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Friday, July 17, 2009

Wyatt's Due Date



I have been dreading tomorrow since the day we learned of Wyatt's diagnosis. Most woman can't wait for their due dates to arrive, but I knew my due date would most likely be the day I would have to give Wyatt back to God. I just wanted to keep Wyatt safe, and if that meant staying pregnant forever, well, I would surely try!

God apparently had other plans for me than being the first mother ever to stay pregnant her entire life, and took Wyatt to his eternal home 47 days ago. So now, there is a completely new sadness surrounding Wyatt's due date. What if I made it to this day? That would have been 47 more days I could have gotten to spend with my son. Would he of lived longer if he were able to develop more? I already know my answers to these questions... Wyatt lived every second here on this earth that God meant for him to live. But that still doesn't lessen the sting of what tomorrow represents. I have seriously contemplated sleeping the entire day away just so I wouldn't have to face it. That's healthy, right?!

Actually, I was hoping Joseph would be able to take tomorrow off of work so we could do something special as a family, but he wasn't able to. So, we sent our love to heaven for Wyatt today... Let me explain.

Ansley has been coloring pictures for Wyatt lately. When she finishes a new picture for her baby brother, she says, "Mommy, I colored a picture for Wyatt! I want to give it to him. Please mommy, I want to give it to Wyatt."

So I tell her to hold it over her head really high towards the sky so Wyatt can see it from heaven. This worked for a while (she would even stand on her tip toes to give Wyatt a better view), but she has become very adamant about wanting to GIVE the picture she colored to Wyatt. So I decided I would let her do just that!

Ansley colored a very special turtle picture to send Wyatt... Joseph and I wrote him a letter... and we attached them all to three big helium balloons. We made our way up to the top of a pretty hill near our house... hugged and kissed the balloons... and let them fly away to heaven carrying all of our love with them.

The weather was beautiful, and I can't imagine a more perfect way of celebrating the day we were supposed to meet our son. I walked away from that hill with a peace that completely encompassed me. I know the balloons probably just made it over the tree line, but Ansley really believes her baby brother got his turtle picture and all of the hugs and kisses we sent him. I truly believe today was a day of healing for every member of our family, and I know tomorrow will be a little easier to face. Who knows, I might actually attempt getting out of bed!

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7 comments:

Holly said...

I think is so awesome that you did that with the balloons. I bet Ansley was so happy to give that picture to her brother. I bet it felt real good for you too. Thinking of you today!

Sarah said...

Thinking of you at this hard time.

3 Blessings said...

My prayers are with you today. May God continue to show you His love and give you comfort. I know Wyatt is smiling at the beautiful balloons and messages from his wonderful family.
God's blessings,
Amy

Traci~ Ordinary Inspirations for the everyday wife, mommy, and homemaker said...

To my new, sweet friend Danielle:

Make me weep! This post was beautiful and I can almost feel your pain and desire to "sleep the day away". May God continue to give you that peace that only HE can give. You will have your ups and downs... but we pray that the "ups" will sustain you in the "down" times.

I can't wait to meet your precious son in heaven someday.

Thank you for sharing your story! Continue to share it; continue to remember him: the little things that he did in your womb that you knew were "just him".

For I know that you will recognize him in heaven..... and that he will recognize his precious Mama!

I love you new friend!

Traci

Lena said...

What a great way to tell your Son that you love him and that he has a wonderful family in the Earth which will never forget him! It is so special that your kids love their little brother!

Henninger Family said...

That is precious - sorry this post is late; I was out of town and I am just now catching up - I know that the day was hard for you, but at least you know Wyatt was there every step of the way.

~Kimberly

April G. said...

there really are no words to express what I feel when I read your posts for your Wyatt...I am just so glad for you that you are allowing God to comfort you. God Bless.