Eli's Birthday Party and a Balloon Release Follows

Today, my not so little anymore boy turned Two!

There was food, friends, food, laughter, and, did I mention food?

I felt so out of place today. Will it be like this every holiday? Every get together?

Or was I just like this because today also marked Wyatt's 5 months in heaven?

Who knows... Does it really even matter?

Anyways, I'm afraid I wasn't the best company in the world. But I did make an attempt. For not even wanting to get out of bed this morning, I think I did fantastic! That's all that matters, right?!

Here's some pictures of my little BIG boy at his party... (I may or may not have been the one to give him a red spiked mohawk) And yes, those are bruises on the side of his head... he is ALL boy (Not to mention he has a not so nice big sister)!

And below is what we do to noisy children who come to our house!

Just kidding! We were taping a container closed so my mother in law could transport some left over birthday cake, when my daughter (of course) asks for a piece of tape... my husband tore off a piece and she stuck it right over her mouth! Of course, the other two kids in the picture thought it was funny and wanted a piece too... And you know I HAD to get a picture!

On another note, earlier this morning when I was airing up all the balloons for Eli's party, I gave a balloon to each of my children...

I walked back to Ansley and Eli's bedroom and gave them each a balloon. Then I walked outside and released a purple balloon into the sky and watched it as it danced away into the breeze. I thought, "You'll be at this party too Wyatt. Mommy will think of you every single second". My husband came around the corner and I smiled at him. "I just gave a balloon to ALL of our children", I said joyfully.

After the party was over I gathered over half of the balloons we had and wrote this note to Wyatt...

After we all put our kisses onto Wyatt's letter, I tied our balloons to it, and Joseph, Ansley, Eli, and I went outside to deliver Wyatt a colorful array of balloons... each carrying hugs, kisses, and love from his whole family here!

And we watched as the balloons got further...

And further...

And further away from us...

And closer...

And closer...

And closer to Wyatt in heaven.

Wyatt's Due Date

I have been dreading tomorrow since the day we learned of Wyatt's diagnosis. Most woman can't wait for their due dates to arrive, but I knew my due date would most likely be the day I would have to give Wyatt back to God. I just wanted to keep Wyatt safe, and if that meant staying pregnant forever, well, I would surely try!

God apparently had other plans for me than being the first mother ever to stay pregnant her entire life, and took Wyatt to his eternal home 47 days ago. So now, there is a completely new sadness surrounding Wyatt's due date. What if I made it to this day? That would have been 47 more days I could have gotten to spend with my son. Would he of lived longer if he were able to develop more? I already know my answers to these questions... Wyatt lived every second here on this earth that God meant for him to live. But that still doesn't lessen the sting of what tomorrow represents. I have seriously contemplated sleeping the entire day away just so I wouldn't have to face it. That's healthy, right?!

Actually, I was hoping Joseph would be able to take tomorrow off of work so we could do something special as a family, but he wasn't able to. So, we sent our love to heaven for Wyatt today... Let me explain.

Ansley has been coloring pictures for Wyatt lately. When she finishes a new picture for her baby brother, she says, "Mommy, I colored a picture for Wyatt! I want to give it to him. Please mommy, I want to give it to Wyatt."

So I tell her to hold it over her head really high towards the sky so Wyatt can see it from heaven. This worked for a while (she would even stand on her tip toes to give Wyatt a better view), but she has become very adamant about wanting to GIVE the picture she colored to Wyatt. So I decided I would let her do just that!

Ansley colored a very special turtle picture to send Wyatt... Joseph and I wrote him a letter... and we attached them all to three big helium balloons. We made our way up to the top of a pretty hill near our house... hugged and kissed the balloons... and let them fly away to heaven carrying all of our love with them.

The weather was beautiful, and I can't imagine a more perfect way of celebrating the day we were supposed to meet our son. I walked away from that hill with a peace that completely encompassed me. I know the balloons probably just made it over the tree line, but Ansley really believes her baby brother got his turtle picture and all of the hugs and kisses we sent him. I truly believe today was a day of healing for every member of our family, and I know tomorrow will be a little easier to face. Who knows, I might actually attempt getting out of bed!