Friday, July 31, 2009
Another month's end, and you know what that means... time to meet under the tree and talk about our sweet little babies!
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How do you see or imagine your baby/ies now that you do not have them with you?
I see Wyatt just as he was when he was here in my arms. The only exception is that his body is now whole and he is growing into a little butterball. He must look so much like his older brother Eli did when he was 2 months old. I can't say that I imagine him as being an angel... as lovely as the idea is, I personally don't believe it. I believe he is being cared for by loved ones that have gone on to heaven, and that he is in the presence of God himself. I imagine Wyatt has seen more in his 61 days of being in heaven, than he would have seen had he lived an entire lifetime here on earth. Really, what could I have possibly been able to show Wyatt that God couldn't? I'm sure the beauty and love I planned to show him pails greatly in comparison to the beauty and love God has already blessed my sweet, sweet baby boy with.
Below is a picture of my oldest son Eli at two months old... This is how I imagine Wyatt today, of course, with a more defined chin like his daddy and a little Elvis curl of his lip! Oh, how I wish I didn't have to imagine...
How did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancy?
Our loss is new...very new. As much as I would love to hold another baby in my arms, I am scared to death of looking at another child as "Wyatt's Replacement", or even worse, having to carry another baby to term with a fatal diagnosis.
Joseph and I wanted a truck load of kids... we aren't sure anymore. We honestly don't know if we will ever have the courage to try for another child. We are throwing around the idea of foster parenting or adopting later on down the road, but honestly, at this very moment, I can't see us getting pregnant again. Maybe once our hearts have healed a lot more, we may feel differently... Right now it just hurts too much to give it much more thought.