Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Has it already been a week (okay... eight days) since Seth joined our family on the outside? Bad Danielle. What a terrible blogger I've been!
Well, wait no more. I'm finally typing out the rest of Seth's birth story (Well, at least Part Two) for you.
I know I've already told you about Seth's actual birth, but I also want to document how I was feeling during the whole birthing process...
It felt like an out of body experience!
Every step that brought me closer to meeting Seth felt unbelievable. This may sound crazy, but even when I was having contractions 2 minutes apart and my back felt like it was going to snap in half, I didn't feel like I was really having a baby. Maybe it was my body's coping mechanism, but I really could not let myself accept that I was actually in labor and having a baby. I felt like I was dreaming.
Even when Dr. Joy checked my cervix and told me it was time to push I couldn't imagine holding Seth in my arms. Here I am obeying my doctor and pushing when he tells me to and I keep thinking to myself "God, please let this baby be okay", and "A baby? Really? I can't believe this... What, his head is out? Oh Lord... Please let this baby be okay".
I remember the moment Joseph said his head was out. My heart sunk to the floor because I didn't hear a cry. Joseph was suctioning out his nose and throat, so why wasn't I hearing him scream? And then it was time to push again...
This time Seth came out completely and was laid on my chest. Still no crying...
"Why isn't he crying?" I kept demanding. "Is he okay?", I'm panicking as I choke back tears.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity I hear Seth let out a quiet grunt followed by a wail... In that moment Seth and I both were crying like little babies. I couldn't hold Seth close enough to me. I didn't care about the goop and blood he was covered in, I just wanted his little body as close to mine as it could possibly get. Here I am clinging to Seth and letting it sink in that he's really here and he's alive! I wanted to scream from the mountains how wonderful God is! I could have never imagined how wonderful it would be to meet this little guy. I'm ashamed to say it was nothing like Ansley and Eli's births. Sure I was thrilled to meet them, but it took me losing Wyatt to realize just how much of a miracle a new little life truly is.
After Seth was born Joseph and I got to cuddle on him until about midnight before the nurse came in to give Seth his first bath. I got out of bed and took pictures while Joseph recorded it with the video camera.
But something happened to Seth's breathing while he was getting a bath. His oxygen level dropped and he was having to fight really hard to breathe. His respirations got well over 100 per minute and the nurse had to take Seth away to the nursery. When they checked his oxygen level it was down in the 80's and it should have been above 95 for an infant.
I remember the nurse and Joseph walking out of the room with Seth and I sat there and bawled. It took me back to when I was laying on the operating table when Wyatt was born and the nurse taking Wyatt to the next room where he died away from me. I was terrified I would never see Seth alive again. I found myself begging God, "Lord please don't make me surrender another baby to you. And God, please, please don't let another one of my children die away from me..."
Joseph sent me text messages and updates on Seth and he finally came and got me in a wheelchair so I could could spend some time with him. I learned when I got back to the nursery that they were seriously considering sending Seth to the children's hospital because he just wasn't breathing well. It was so serious they even called in a neonatal nurse to monitor Seth. There was even talk of him possibly needing to be put on respirator so his lungs could have a chance to rest. I felt so helpless. Could this really be happening?
I stayed in the nursery with Seth and Joseph for as long as I could before I had to go back to my room. We spent the time holding his tiny little hand.
Seth looked so pitiful under the little oxygen hood they rigged up for him.
As I left, I felt like a dog with it's tail between it's legs. I sat in my hospital bed and
cried prayed. I thanked God for giving me a healthy baby boy. I thanked him for giving me an amazing and safe delivery. I thanked him for the three uneventful hours that Joseph and I got to bond with Seth. And I asked God to give me peace about the possibility of Seth being transferred. And you know what? I did have peace. I knew God wasn't going to take Seth away from me...
The question "Why would God guide you and Dr. Joy to deliver Seth today because he would have died if you were sent home", kept running through my head. I felt like God was whispering in my ear that Seth was meant to stay here. Maybe it was hormones or maybe I just desperately wanted my thoughts to be true, but I really believed Seth would be okay. Even if he did have to be transferred or put on a respirator.
I don't have to tell you how great God is...
Shortly after 5am Joseph comes waltzing back into our room holding Seth. I can't tell you how wonderful it was not only have Seth back in my arms, but to hear the nurse say his oxygen was back up above 95 and that his respirations had slowed to less than 60 in a minute. He was doing wonderful! Providing he continued to do well (which we all know he did), there was no reason he'd have to be transferred much less have to leave my room again!
The only other problem we had with Seth in the hospital was not being able to get him to eat. I tried to get him to nurse but he showed no interest in latching on. He just laid there like "what is that and why are you trying to put it in my mouth?".
The nurse finally told me she was going to have to finger feed Seth so that his blood sugar wouldn't bottom out. I agreed, but was determined to get this little guy to nurse. I was relieved when Seth drank the formula he was given. I felt better knowing he had something in his belly.
From there I tried nursing every hour or so to no avail. I finally got the idea to try and introduce a pacifier to get Seth used to sucking. And it worked! The first couple of times nursing Seth were clumsy on both our parts, but it was an amazing feeling to be nursing another one of my babies! I really hoped Wyatt was able to nurse when he was born. I'd accepted that Wyatt would be our last baby and I never thought I'd ever have the chance to nurse again. It was unbelievable to feel this little guy nursing. God was telling me, "See what I can do. When all hope is lost, I'm still in the business of miracles".
Well, that's all for Part 2. It's late and I have a hungry little guy to feed. Next up is leaving the hospital, bringing Seth home, and first (and second, and third, and fourth, and fifth) doctors appointment. But, until then (which I promise won't be as long as it took me to post this) here's a picture of little man and the first smile I was able to capture with my camera!