A Little More on Yesterday

I'm sorry my post wasn't more informative yesterday. I was exhausted. Yesterday took a lot out of Joseph and I emotionally. We went from thinking the best thing for Seth would be to come out of my belly to realizing he needed a lot more time before that were the case. We agonized in the days leading up to yesterday with trying to mentally prepare for welcoming our son so much earlier than we expected, and when we had finally warmed up to the idea of snuggling on little man, finding out it wouldn't be happening. Dr. Joy was very surprised by the results of Seth's lung maturity. He really felt the numbers would at least be higher than they were. It's just really scary to think of Seth as not being safe inside or outside of me and having to choose which is the lesser of two evils. I completely agree he's safer inside for now,... but it still doesn't take my fear away of his heart rate dropping or the placenta failing and depriving him of oxygen. There is still a very real fear of me losing Seth.

I was extremely apprehensive about having Seth early. From the moment we found out he may have been coming yesterday, I've worried and lost sleep over the idea of Seth's lungs not being ready. The thought of having a giant needle shoved into my belly didn't help me rest easily either! Speaking of which, the amnio in itself wasn't horrible. It felt really weird because I could feel it enter my uterus and there was a lot of pressure and cramping during and after the procedure, but my greatest fears were the test putting Seth in distress or that the needle would hurt Seth. Seth did try to move into the needle, but thankfully Dr. Joy was able to guide the needle further into my belly to avoid Seth making contact with it. Other than that, Seth handled the procedure beautifully and I know it's thanks to everyone's prayers.

There was a large part of me yesterday that was struggling as we left the hospital without a baby in our arms. Our doctor was so sure yesterday would be the day... friends told stories of having their sons at 36-37 weeks where the lungs were perfectly mature... I started to believe his lungs would be ready. It was just hard to walk through those hospital doors for some reason. It brought back some of the same emotions I felt when I left the hospital without Wyatt. But isn't that silly? Seth is still inside of me and safe. A thought that is resounding with me today.

Today, I am relieved. I feel like I've been given the opportunity to enjoy my pregnancy for the rest of the time Seth decides to stay put or at least until my doctor feels the risk of Seth coming out outweighs the risk of him having more time to mature. Either way I have less than two weeks before little man is here and I intend to enjoy every second of it. I have to remind myself that God will keep Seth safe and that Dr. Joy is keeping an extremely watchful eye on Seth's heart rate, movements, and placenta. He is a God filled man and is approaching our care both spiritually and with sound medical judgement. I couldn't ask for a better, more rounded, or compassionate doctor. I'm in good hands all around.