Thursday, June 24, 2010
We have some really good friends who were kind (and brave) enough to watch Ansley and Eli for us (Thanks Ray and Summer) while I was having Seth. They didn't bring the kids to the hospital until the next afternoon to meet Seth because I'd had Seth so late the night before.
I honestly don't know if the kids were told ahead of time that they were ging to get to finally meet baby Seth, but Ansley's face was priceless when she walked into the room and realized her newest little brother was not in my belly anymore. I so wish we could have captured her face on video. I will never forget the look of awe and excitement she exuded as she climbed up on my hospital bed to get a better look at her baby brother.
"Ohhh WOOoooow! Mommy! Baby Seth is out of your belly!", she squealed with delight. "I love him! Can I hold my baby Seth mommy? Can we take him home with us?"
Eli was happy to see me, but less than thrilled to see me holding a baby. He did give Seth kisses but other than that could have cared less about his new little brother. I couldn't get him to sit with me and Seth long enough to get a picture. But I did manage to get a picture of him as he was coming to give me kisses as he left.
It was so wonderful getting to cuddle on each of the children that are here, but my heart was battling against uncontainable joy and unbearable sadness all at the same time. I realized as I sat here for this picture holding my three living children and a stuffed elephant in the place where my son who's gone to heaven should have been, that this is as good as it's ever going to get...
Almost perfect, but never will be, because one of my children and the piece of my heart he took with him will always be missing. Maybe that's why I've been doing a lot of crying and smiling at the same time lately. I hold Seth and soak up his tiny little features. I rock him and take in his sweet scent. I talk to him and tell him all about his big brother. And I do this through tears because Wyatt is always in my next thought. I can't begin to describe how bittersweet Seth's birth and all his firsts have been... so I'm not even going to try. I'll just say that I'm overjoyed to have Seth in my arms and heartbroken that Wyatt isn't here to be a physical part of it.
We were finally discharged on Thursday morning. First, Dr. Joy came in to check on me and I snagged him for a picture with Seth. After all, if it wasn't for this man, I don't even want to think about how differently Seth's birth story would have gone. Dr. Joy was definitely the key player in helping God perform a miracle.
Next, Seth's doctor came in to give Seth the final once over and finally discharge him as well. I love Seth's pediatrician. He is the sweetest older gentlemen and I think it's adorable that he wears a bow tie everyday.
And you know hospitals. It takes forever for the discharge paperwork to be drawn up. So, Joseph and I spent that time cuddling on little man.
We also finished getting all of our stuff together... Wasn't it so kind of Joseph to
pose with carry my purse for me?
I thought it was cure how he left Seth's stuffed lion sticking out of the diaper bag the hospital gave us to...
When we were finally told we could leave, Joseph headed out to pull the expedition around and I mentally tried to wrap my brain around what was actually happening. I was taking Seth home. I was leaving the hospital with a living breathing baby.
As the nurse started wheeling me out to the entrance, It took everything in me to keep from bawling. It didn't feel like this could really be happening. I kept waiting for someone to come chasing us down the hall only to say that there had been some kind of mistake and that I couldn't take Seth home with me. I clung onto this little boy so tightly and concentrated on trying not to hyperventilate! I almost felt like I was drunk or something when we officially left the hospitals front doors. I had done it! I'd given birth... I'd been blessed with a healthy baby boy... And I'd just left the hospital with him. It still didn't feel like any of this could be real. It felt too good to be true. I was actually scared to pinch myself for fear of waking up!
We got Seth situated in his seat and the nurse performed a car seat check. We were all set!
Joseph and I just sat in the expedition for a minute and let it sink in... then Joseph breaks the silence with "Okay... here we go... should I turn on the flashers?". We both just laughed, but I didn't think it sounded like a babd idea!
Before we went home, we had to go pick up Ansley and Eli from my father in laws house. Again, Ansley was thrilled to have baby Seth in the car and to be taking him home...
Eli, not so much...
It was funny to me how Joseph and I kept score of who got to do what as far as taking care of Seth and who got to do what. Apparently, because I got to be the one to take Seth out of the hospital, Joseph got to be the one to take Seth into our house for the first time! So here it is...
So there you have it! Seth's birth story in it's entirety. I still have doctor's appointments and what it's been like to have him home to post about but that will come in it's own time. I'm just enjoying my life for what it is right now and trying to find peace in accepting that this is as good as it gets this side of heaven.