A Little Teaser of Wyatt's Birthday

I have tons of pictures to share with you. Pictures that I am eager to post... but of course we have satellite internet here and stormy weather. Not a good combination for uploading pictures. However, I'll share the few I've managed to get uploaded and you'll just have more pictures to look forward to later.

Before I get to the pictures though, I just want to document how the actual day went for me.

The days leading up to Wyatt's party I was so wrapped up in making decorations and getting everything prepared I didn't actually have time to really think about the big day. I didn't look ahead any further than which decoration or project I needed to do next. It really helped me keep myself together.

It wasn't until the day before Wyatt's first birthday that I started getting emotional and weepy. I had pretty much finished up all the projects I could get done and I had time to dwell on what laid ahead in the hours to come.

"This was my last night with him"...

"These were the last hiccups I felt"...

"This was the last time I held me belly before bed and sang 'You are my Sunshine' to him before drifting off to sleep"...

"I wonder if I would have spent this night differently had I known it was my last night with him alive"...

I had so many thoughts whirling around inside this head of mine.

Joseph tried to distract me by renting the movie "Dear John". I'd been wanting to see the movie for a while and it was a nice break for the war movie streak he's been on lately. The only problem was that we started watching the movie so late, by the time it was over it was already after midnight. I glanced at the clock as I crawled into bed at realized it was 12:32 in the morning... Wyatt's birthday. I started crying and didn't want Joseph to know I was already getting upset so I tried pulling the covers over my face. My plan at concealing the tears worked until he asked me a question and I had to choke out a reply. I ended up crying myself to sleep, something I hadn't done in quite a while...

Later that morning I woke up to a full bladder and again made the mistake of looking at the clock. Wouldn't you know that I woke up within five minutes of when my water broke a year ago with Wyatt! Of course, that got the tears flowing again. I curled up with Wyatt's blanket (something else I hadn't done in a while) and tried to fall back asleep. It didn't work. I laid in bed wishing for Wyatt and praying my water wouldn't break again on this day. I absolutely didn't want to have Wyatt and Seth share a birthday. I would have dealt with it had it happened, but I've been really adamant with God about allowing Wyatt to have and keep his own special day.

As any of you who read my blog regularly know, Wyatt was born at 10:03 in the morning and passed away at 10:05. Joseph set an alarm on his phone and we lit a candle for Wyatt at 10:03 and sang happy birthday to him. We let the candle burn for the two minutes he lived and blew it out together as a family.




You don't realize how short two minutes is until it's time to blow out the flame of a candle that is supposed to symbolize the entire life of your child. I think this was one of the lowest parts of my day. It was just...hard.

On a lighter note, Wyatt's elephant got to sport a birthday shirt and hat all day! It made me smile every time I looked at it.


We even got a family picture with the elephant and our whole family sported elephant shirts in honor of Wyatt for his birthday. You can't see Ansley's or Eli's in the picture, but I assure you there are elephants on both of their shirts too!


Well, that's it for now. I still have thank you's to post and more pictures to share of the preparations and actual party, but that wil have to wait for another (less cloudy and gross) day.