Once upon a time

Once upon a time

there lived a girl whose heart was whole.

She sang and laughed her way through life...

A sweet naivety filled her soul.

Even unto womanhood,

the worlds perception remained kind.

Pain and hurt from all around

evaded her narrow mind...

Until one day it happened...

Her world was torn apart.

This woman learned what it really meant,

to truly give her heart.

She thought that she had done it,

the day she said “I do”.

Or surely when she welcomed

baby one and baby two.

But laying on a table

hearing “incompatible with life”

Baby three won’t join your family,

as you had hoped he might.

The world became scary,

full of uncertainty and grief.

She gave her heart completely

knowing time would be her thief.

The day arrived to say hello

to a sweet soul passing through.

What a blessing through her heartache

to say “Son, we both love you”.

As good-bye was being uttered,

she slipped her son her heart.

He gave to her his memories

and now they will never be apart.

Each holds a piece

of what the other had to give.

He has my heart,

and for his memory I will live.

I love you Wyatt and miss you more than words!

Love,

Mommy

Stuffed Animals

Joseph and I didn't quite keep up with our tradition of buying baby a stuffed animal the day we found out we were pregnant this time. We just didn't feel safe doing it... Buying a stuffed animal for baby was acknowledging the hopes and dreams we already have. It scared me to open my heart up to the possibility of having all those dreams snatched away again.

However, after we had our first appointment and saw that baby was in the right spot and that his heart was beating (we'll use masculine form for now. I like it better than referring to baby as an "it"), we felt safe enough to buy baby's first stuffed animal. It was actually Joseph who brought it up. We got back in the truck from my OB appointment and he let out a sigh of relief followed by, "Can we get the baby a stuffed animal now?"

I ran into Kroger which happens to be where I found Wyatt's Elephant, and found the cutest little monkey! And just as it was the case with Wyatt's elephant, this monkey was the last one left. I knew it was meant for our little butter bean! Joseph however, didn't care for the monkey :( We ended up finding a lion we both liked when we went on a trip with some friends to Biltmore... So this baby will end up with a lion from both of us and a monkey from his siblings!

Our children now have a duck (Ansley)

A praying precious moments boy in blue PJ's (Eli)

An Elephant (Wyatt)

And a Lion (Finchum Baby Four).

What a combination!

Doors flying open

Guess what happened yesterday?

I opened a message in my inbox titled " Regarding your fight for Wyatt", from a woman I'd never heard from before. The message I contained read as follows:

"My name is B.W. and I live in SE Tennessee. I saw your plight through a message board called Hannah's Prayer. I have a very dear friend in the TN House. I fowarded your story to him. His name is Richard Floyd. I've copied his note back to me below. Please contact him. I know he would be willing to do whatever he can to help y'all out. He is a wonderful Christian man. My heart goes out to your family as you grieve the loss of your little one. Sincerely in Christ, B.W."

Apparently, someone, somewhere was talking about my sweet Wyatt and it happened to catch this woman's eyes!

And to make matters even more wonderful, Representative Floyd e-mailed B back and she forwarded his message to me which read:

"I would be pleased and honored to do anything I could to assist these dear people.They can contact me 24/7 at :

(I took the numbers out because I believe they are his personal numbers and I would want permission before posting) I know both Richard (Representative Montgomery) and Doug (Senator Overbey) very well and certainly be honored to join them in sponsoring a bill to effect the desired change. Blessings Richard Philippians4:13"

Can you believe it! Keep doing your work Lord!

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I called one of the numbers given to me and immediately got Representative Floyd personally! We talked for a while, I got to tell him all about Wyatt, and he will be rallying support for me to get this legislation changed! He said he has A LOT of friends whom he KNOWS will support the change. Session officially starts back on January 12th... I can't wait!

It's official... Wyatt has a State Representative rallying for him! (I am doing the biggest happy dance you could imagine... Will you join me in celebrating?!)

Officially Official

Today, I saw my new doctor. It's official. I've had a doctor say I'm pregnant with a viable pregnancy! (Can we do a happy dance please?)

And yes, I will be going to a new doctor... Delivering at a new hospital... you get the picture. Everything will just be DIFFERENT!

Not only did I see my new doctor today, but I also got to see my baby!

And not only did I see my baby, but I also saw it's new heart beating...

I was told that everything looked B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! My uterus was nice and round this time as opposed to the eggplant shape it resembled when I had my first ultrasound with Wyatt, so I was happy as a clown to see how "normal" everything looks so far.

I also found out that I am exactly 7 weeks pregnant today. My due date is officially July 7th. It's kind of bittersweet to think that this entire pregnancy will only be 11 days ahead of where I was this time last year when I was pregnant with Wyatt. My due date with him was July 18th... I can image it will be weird after I hit the 33week and 2 day mark I never made it past with Wyatt.

This won't be a long post, I just wanted to document how perfectly normal everything is looking so far. More will come soon. For now, I am going to run with the idea that this just may turn out to be a healthy pregnancy... I'm holding my breath!

Rambling

I'm up! I've been up for a couple of hours now sitting in front of the toilet...

I feel so horrible even mentioning this. I know "morning sicknes" comes along with pregnancy territory, but Lord, is this really going to be worth it?

Normally, I would NEVER even have that thought cross my mind (okay maybe I would, but I'd NEVER vocalize it, or in this case type it), but here I am this morning consumed by these thoughts.

So now, I catch myself asking "Why am I thinking this"? And in all Honesty, the answer is that I just can't see this pregnancy ending well. For me, babies die now.

I sit here waiting to have a miscarriage...

I wait for the baby's heart to just stop beating...

I wait to hear "incompatible with life" once again...

I expect to go to my first appointment tomorrow and be told the baby is in the wrong spot...

There are just so many things that can go wrong and they constantly play their scenarios in my mind, over and over again. Maybe my baby doesn't have Thanatophoric Dysplasia this time. But what about the long list of other fatal conditions he/she could have? What if they are healthy and the cord gets wrapped around their neck? OR placental abruption? OR the baby dies in the birth canal just before I deliver? OR even dies shortly after from an undetected problem?

Do you notice all the scenarios I envision end in death?

Can you see that I am going to drive myself insane over the course of the next eight months?

I have been thrown so far out of my comfort zone! I'm terrified. There is just so much that can go wrong, and I'm having a hard time keeping faith that God will carry me through this pregnancy one way or another. In my heart I know he will, but then again... My heart is begging me to save it from being broken all over again.

So yes, I wonder if the discomfort I am experiencing will be worth it in the end. If I get to bring home a baby I say it is hands down. There isn't a discomfort I couldn't gladly smile through if I could fast forward to find out if the outcome for this baby will be different.

I know how selfish this sounds. It's almost like I'm saying the discomforts I faced with Wyatt weren't worth it because I didn't get to bring him home. Nothing could be further from the truth. I would have walked through fire for him (I still would).

Apparently, I am just being entirely too human today. Please forgive how incredibly selfish this post must sound... Of course the not so occasional trip to the bathroom will be worth it if I even get a glimpse of my child. Selfishly though, I don't want to settle for a glimpse... I want a lifetime.

A Special Thanks

I have just been a terrible person. I have received some beautiful gifts from people and it's taken me forever to actually sit dow, write a post, and thank everyone... I swear there just haven't been enough hours in the day!

Getting Eli potty trained wouldn't have anything to do with my lack of time to blog...

Nor would my insane schedule with recent photo shoots...

Or even the Marine Corps. Ball...

Or Birthday parties...

Or "Spring" Cleaning...

Anyways, I'm here now. I will apologize ahead of time for the length of this post. I have quite a few things to write about :)

First of all, I want to thank Holly for the beautiful fall picture I received in my inbox last week. I LOVE seeing Wyatt's name written in the world. It makes me feel like a part of him is still here.

Also, thanks to Rikki for taking the time to write Wyatt's name while on a walk in the fernery. I thought it was sweet that she said she felt like it was the perfect place to take a picture of Wyatt's name because the fernery was dedicated to all good moms. Thanks you so much for thinking about Wyatt.

I also received a picture from Jennifer ages ago and just never posted about it. Sorry Jennifer! I would have never thought to do this, but she wrote Wyatt's name in flour. It looked really neat with the dark background for contrast.

I will cherish each of these pictures for the rest of my life. It means so much to have someone think about Wyatt without me having to bring him up. It truly means the world to me!

And you know what? I have a couple of sneaky Wednesdays for Wyatt winners! Apparently Jennifer from The Blue Sparrow, and April from Our Broken Hearts got my address from the packages I sent them... Anyways, I was completely surprised when I received these beautiful gifts in the mail.

From Jennifer I received this gorgeous frame with a "W" etched in the glass, as well as a picture frame I will use to put a black and white picture of Wyatt in:

And from April I got this hand painted Christmas ornament of Wyatt for my Christmas tree this year:

I wasn't wanting to put up a tree this year, but I have to now because I can't wait to see these ornaments adorn our tree this Christmas season! Thanks girls...

From Celia I received this sweet reunion heart with a very touching poem. We talk quite frequently but she sealed her lips that she was sending this to me and I was pleasantly surprised when Joseph brought the mail in. Here is a picture of the stone and the poem that follows (sorry I couldn't get the heart picture any larger):

Since Heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel I'm so alone;

and though we now are far apart

you hold a big piece of my heart

I never knew how much I'd grieve

when it was time for you to leave,

or just how much my heart would ache

from that one fragment you would take

God lets this tender hole remain

reminding me we'll meet again,

and one day all the pain will cease

when He restores this missing piece.

He'll turn to joy my every tear

with thoughts of you I hold so dear,

and they'll become my special way

to treasure our Reunion Day.

Last, but not least, I ordered a couple of custom statues from The Midnight Orange and I just received them today. They scream Wyatt to me and I am beyond happy with the way they turned out.

The elephant with the "Angel Wyatt" riding it, I had made for myself...

And the star statue I had done for Joseph as a gift from Wyatt for Christmas. I just know he will love it because stars hold special meaning to him.

Thank you again to all who thought of Wyatt! And thank you to everyone who offer prayers for our family... we can feel our family being lifted in love and prayers every single day.

A Gift from God

I was reading my bible last night about Eve after one of her sons (Abel) was murdered by the other (Cain). My heart grew heavy for her because not only did she lose one son, but because Cain was sent into exile, she in turn lost both of her children. Talk about hitting the bottom of the barrel. She went from a perfect existence, to experiencing the greatest heartache a person could possibly feel!

I was about ready to put my bible away for the night, but something caught my eye. I was intrigued so I kept reading...

Did you know that God blessed Eve with another son to console her broken heart? He was "appointed" to her because Abel was taken from her. Are you getting where I am going with this?

I really feel like God was speaking to me last night. Maybe I am just being wishful, but I feel like I may be carrying another son. I would be happy with anything as long as I get to take my baby home with me... But my heart longs to hold another baby boy in my arms.

And you know what? I think the name Seth (Adam and Eve's third and appointed son) would be the perfect name for us if we happen to be blessed with a third baby boy!

So what sort of middle name could go with Seth? I really wanted to incorporate Wyatt or Nathaniel somehow, but neither really seem to go very well...

As I was racking my brain last night and about to drift off to sleep, the name Alexander popped into my head! I instantly fell in love with Seth Alexander. My only complaint or reservation was that I didn't think Wyatt would be incorporated in the name. Wrong!

Alexander means "Warrior of men"... and we all know that Wyatt means "Little Warrior". So how about that!

And as far as girl names...

We're not getting too far on those. I like Faith simply because that is what this pregnancy will be... A walk of faith. However I suggested it to Joseph and he wrinkled his nose at it. We'll see. I know we still have plenty of time... I just like to pick my names out early so I can pray for my baby by name.

Marine Corps. Ball

Last night was the Marine Corps. Ball.

I've been excitedly anticipating AND dreading it all at the same time...

As it turns out, it was a night full of fake laughter and pretending to be genuinely happy to meet people. Wyatt lingered in the not so very back of my mind the entire ball. You see this time last year I was newly pregnant with Wyatt. Just over 5 weeks pregnant to be exact.

Last year I was so sick, I spent the entire course of dinner just trying not to get sick while everyone else ate. I joked with Joseph before we got there that if I needed to get sick and couldn't make it to the bathroom, his cover (white hat) would never be the same!

This year, I chowed down on a lovely meal but had a hard time getting the food to go past the lump I felt in my throat.

Last year, hearing people talk about the babies they just had was filled with excitement and anticipation for the new life growing inside me.

This year, hearing of a new baby made me long to hold my baby and frankly, made me a tad jealous. I know Marine Corps. Balls are filled with Reds, Blues, and Whites, but there were a couple of times when all I could see was green...

It think it all boils down to this:

Last year babies didn't die.

Unfortunately, this year, it's a reality I can't escape.

You wouldn't have been able to tell by looking at me that my heart was breaking, again. Or that I wished the entire ball, that I was at the 2008 ball instead of the 2009. I've gotten pretty good at faking it.

The whole evening wasn't a bust though...

I did enjoy being out with my husband. He looks so handsome in his dress blues (Of course, I think he's handsome all the time)... But put him in that uniform, and WOW!

Plus, I talked Joseph into taking me by steak n shake on the way home and I engorged myself with a frisco melt and a side of cheese fries :) I think that was my favorite part of the evening!

Here are some promised pictures from last night.

(You may notice I'm not wearing the dress I originally wanted to get. I ordered it, but didn't like it on me. It was a little too snug in the top for my comfort (I probably should have ordered one size larger and it would have been fine). I was able to send it back and get a full refund and found the dress you see me wearing at a local dress shop.)

Guilt

I feel so guilty.

And that's an understatement...

I feel guilt on so many different levels.

The biggest source of my guilt is simply that I'm pregnant again. I feel like I am doing Wyatt an injustice by carrying another child after he just passed away 5 months ago. I know I wasn't trying to have another baby, but I feel like my body should line up with my heart. My heart wasn't ready for this, so my body shouldn't have been either.

I keep envisioning Wyatt looking down from heaven and shaking his sweet little head at me. I worry he feels like I am going to try to "replace" him with this baby... Truth be told , I worry I will resent this baby when it's born because they won't be Wyatt. What kind of a person am I to even think that? Surely not the kind to deserve another baby. I'm sure that won't be the case, but it's still a fear of mine. I know Wyatt will never be replaced... I could never replace him if I tried. I just hope he knows that.

And then there's the fact that I've managed to get pregnant while trying to prevent it. How did that happen? Seriously? I mean, I know how everything works, but I just don't see any possible way this could have happened. So how did it happen to me when I am practically the only one not trying to get pregnant, when there are so many of my friends who are desperately trying to have another baby and aren't getting pregnant month after month? It's so frustrating. My heart breaks for my friends each time another month is a bust, and it makes me feel even more guilty. It actually makes me sick to my stomach thinking about having to announce this pregnancy in about 12 weeks or so. I don't want to cause any more hurt to these special women in my life, but they are my friends and I want to share what God has done in my life as well. I feel like I'm up against a wall and a semi is barreling toward me with no way to escape!

And then, I feel guilty for being happy! Cautiously happy, but I'm warming up to the idea of having another baby. If it had of been up to Joseph and I, Wyatt would have been our last baby. Sure we wanted more children, but honestly, we were just too scared to risk our hearts again. I guess this way, we were left with no choice but to keep plugging along. God took the decision out of the equation. He made the choice and all we are left with is a very scary and uncertain eight more months... that hopefully end in a healthy baby we get to take home with us and keep! Maybe this pregnancy is what I needed to learn to completely trust God again. I guess I kind of have to now whether I like it or not! I just have to believe that God wouldn't have blessed us like this only to take another one of my babies away.

God's Sense of Humor

You would think I would have learned and accepted by now, the fact that my plans are rarely ever God's plans...

For example, when I found out Joseph would be deployed to Iraq for a year back in 2005, I prayed for "God to give me something to keep me busy". I was thinking college and didn't specify, so God decided to answer my prayers with a baby! Not what I was thinking Lord... (but now that I have her I'm not giving her back).

Or what about when I actually asked God to send me another baby...

He answered my prayers, but then took Wyatt right back home within minutes of him joining our family. Again Lord, we must be getting our channels crossed somehow. That isn't exactly what I was talking about. I wanted him to STAY HERE!

So anyways, I've given up on growing our family through another pregnancy. Just three days ago I made the decision that Joseph and I would adopt in a year or two. So when we cleaned out our shed to make room for Joseph's "Man Cave" I got rid of ALL my maternity clothes and baby things. What's the point in keeping those items if I'm not planning on having more babies, right?

I really think God was laughing at me as I donated all my stuff to Goodwill.

Apparently, there is NO form of prevention from pregnancy that gets in the way of God smugly reminding you who's in control. Yes friends, I am indeed pregnant. We're talking dark pink line before I even pee on the stick good pregnant...

I've had the flu (I thought) and figured I was just late because of being sick... But after I hit two weeks of a no show by my monthly visitor, I decided to take a test for my peace of mind. In no way was I prepared for seeing that positive on the pregnancy test. If I wasn't already sitting down, I would have think I would have passed out.

This is so scary. My heart wasn't ready for this, and as hard as I try, I just can't see myself bringing home this baby. It's probably just because I'm scared, but Lord, since I am pregnant, I pray with all my heart the outcome for this baby is much better.

I really didn't think I would ever have another baby of my own, much less be facing another pregnancy this soon. This blog will be a documentation of my thoughts and milestones with Wyatt's new baby brother or sister until I make my big reveal after our 18-20 week ultrasound. Until then, Wyatt's going to be a BIG BROTHER one way or another... I pray it's the way I'm hoping they will join our family.

Winners

Thanks again to all who participated this week. You have no idea how much I appreciate the support! Randomly selected number from my wonderful husband was #4.

Congratulations to Kimberly @ Happily Henninger. Please e-mail me with you addy so I can send you your goodies!

Wednesdays for Wyatt

Here we go! Our third Wednesday for Wyatt! It’s quite simple to participate. All you have to do is copy and paste this post on your blog, and come back here to link up with MckLinky! Once you do that, your all set to win a great giveaway.

So far, we are up to 1,443 signatures! Lets try to keep them steadily rolling in.

For those of you who are not familiar with my family and what we are trying to achieve, here’s a brief run down...

Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.

On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.

Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.

Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!

This contest will be open today only. I will close MckLinky down sometime before midnight, so make sure you get linked up ASAP to make sure you are entered to win this giveaway! Thanks for helping everyone, and good luck.

I'm a fraud everywhere but here

I'm still here! I know I've been MIA lately and I apologize... I could give a million excuses from everyone in our house getting sick, to being slammed with photo shoots, to not being able to post onto my blog (I was very annoyed). I missed last weeks Wednesdays for Wyatt because I COULD NOT GET IT TO POST! MY blogspot was being screwy but barring any unforseen problems, Wednesdays for Wyatt will resume this week! Horray!

I missed all of you :) It feels so nice to be back here among friends.

With that being said, I need to get something off my chest...

As many of you probably know, I started doing photography full force after I had Wyatt. I love being able to line up a great shot, but most importantly, capturing "happy memories" is a priority in my life.

I've had quite a few jobs lately and I feel like such a fraud. For my business' sake, I can't just be this dark, twisty woman I've become... I have to be the old bubbly me.

People who do photo shoots with me would never guess my heart is so broken. I jump in the air, make funny noises, and make a complete lunatic of myself to get everyone to smile for me. I make jokes, laugh, and carry on the normal shallow conversations with my clients, because that's what is expected by everyone.

But I feel so fake. I feel like I'm lying to the world when I have to become that person. It's not who I am anymore. But at the same time, I want to keep people coming back to the crazy bubbly photographer who did unmentionable things to get good pictures!

I know this is something I'm going to have to work out for myself, but I just feel so much better when I can get these feelings off my chest and onto my blog. I don't feel so fake when I can come on here and tell you how I feel... SO, I feel like a fraud (in real life), but... I'm telling you I feel like a fraud (in real life) so that on here (my blog) I can still feel like a part of my life is real. Where I can be completely honest and know I'll not only be accepted, but understood... Make sense? I confused myself a little...

Eli's Birthday Party and a Balloon Release Follows

Today, my not so little anymore boy turned Two!

There was food, friends, food, laughter, and, did I mention food?

I felt so out of place today. Will it be like this every holiday? Every get together?

Or was I just like this because today also marked Wyatt's 5 months in heaven?

Who knows... Does it really even matter?

Anyways, I'm afraid I wasn't the best company in the world. But I did make an attempt. For not even wanting to get out of bed this morning, I think I did fantastic! That's all that matters, right?!

Here's some pictures of my little BIG boy at his party... (I may or may not have been the one to give him a red spiked mohawk) And yes, those are bruises on the side of his head... he is ALL boy (Not to mention he has a not so nice big sister)!

And below is what we do to noisy children who come to our house!

Just kidding! We were taping a container closed so my mother in law could transport some left over birthday cake, when my daughter (of course) asks for a piece of tape... my husband tore off a piece and she stuck it right over her mouth! Of course, the other two kids in the picture thought it was funny and wanted a piece too... And you know I HAD to get a picture!

On another note, earlier this morning when I was airing up all the balloons for Eli's party, I gave a balloon to each of my children...

I walked back to Ansley and Eli's bedroom and gave them each a balloon. Then I walked outside and released a purple balloon into the sky and watched it as it danced away into the breeze. I thought, "You'll be at this party too Wyatt. Mommy will think of you every single second". My husband came around the corner and I smiled at him. "I just gave a balloon to ALL of our children", I said joyfully.

After the party was over I gathered over half of the balloons we had and wrote this note to Wyatt...

After we all put our kisses onto Wyatt's letter, I tied our balloons to it, and Joseph, Ansley, Eli, and I went outside to deliver Wyatt a colorful array of balloons... each carrying hugs, kisses, and love from his whole family here!

And we watched as the balloons got further...

And further...

And further away from us...

And closer...

And closer...

And closer to Wyatt in heaven.

One Holiday Down...

First of all, can I just say...

Thank the Lord Halloween is OVER!

We were invited to "Trunk or Treat" with some friends of ours, and honestly, I dreaded the thought of going. I just knew there would be all these cute little babies dressed up in costumes that would have me all teary eyed for not having Wyatt here to dress up as a hershey's kiss!

Anyways, I was lucky... there was only one little baby at this little church, which just so happened to be my dear friends (almost) 11 week old son (The friends I visited in the hospital when B was born). We'll just call him Pooh Baby, because, you guessed it, he was dressed like a cute little Winnie the Pooh.

I actually did alright most of the night. I'd been on the verge of tears most of the day, so I was proud of myself for holding it together.

There WAS one point where I was handed pooh baby and within seconds had to practically throw him into my husbands arms as I excused myself outside for a moment...

But guess what? I gave myself a pep talk, marched right back into the fellowship hall, apologized, and picked pooh baby back up to snuggled on him for a while! It wasn't easy, but I did it! Horray. So here's what my night consisted of...

Cuddling on Pooh Baby

Snow White (Yes, she KNOWS she the "fairest in the land...")

And an unhappy lion...

...who became MUCH happier after his THIRD lollipop!

Did I mention it was the lion's birthday too? I'll be posting on his Birthday party/Wyatt's 5 months in heaven next!

Wyatt's 1st Christmas Ornament

Yes, this is going to be another post about how miserable the holidays have become, but if you stick with me, we will actually make it to the light at the end of the tunnel before this post is over. Promise.

But for now,... Back to the miserable part.

How depressing is it to walk through the stores and see "Baby's First Christmas" items plastered everywhere?

Let me answer that one for all of us with a good LOUD scream!

I want to buy "Baby's First" things for Wyatt...

I've actually been getting angry when I go into the stores and see all this stuff. I think,"How could the stores be so insensitive to the fact that there are so many women in this world who want to buy "Baby's First" this or that but can't because their baby died?" I mean, they should cater to us and put all that type of stuff in a locked part of the store with warning signs and ID checks before you can enter, right?! I know, that's a bit WAY over the top. But, It's my brain, and well, I can be a bit of a drama queen sometimes!

Anyways, I was throwing one of my self pity parties the other day (they are really no fun when I have them by myself, you're all invited next time) and decided I really hated the way I was letting (yes, LETTING) myself feel. Wyatt was still going to have his first Christmas, it will just be in heaven instead of here.

So, I ventured into Things Remembered and found a gorgeous star ornament that was engrave-able! I won't get into how completely embarrassed I was when I burst into tears in the middle of the store while I was trying to explain to the woman what I wanted... Thank goodness she was understanding. However, I was still mortified.

In the end, this is what I got.

The front of the star says:

We never lose the ones we Love, They live on in our Hearts.

And the back says:

1st Christmas in heaven

Wyatt Nathaniel Finchum

And of course it has the year on a little heart attached to the ribbon.

It's not what I envisioned getting as his "Baby's First Christmas" ornament, but I think it's perfect. It will be a reminder to me that Wyatt is still getting to celebrate his very first Christmas... I can't wait for Wyatt to tell me all about his Christmas' in heaven one day, and how he got to celebrate our saviors birthday in his very presence for his entire life.

See, I told you I'd cheer up this post before I was done!