Sunday, November 8, 2009
I'm still here! I know I've been MIA lately and I apologize... I could give a million excuses from everyone in our house getting sick, to being slammed with photo shoots, to not being able to post onto my blog (I was very annoyed). I missed last weeks Wednesdays for Wyatt because I COULD NOT GET IT TO POST! MY blogspot was being screwy but barring any unforseen problems, Wednesdays for Wyatt will resume this week! Horray!
I missed all of you :) It feels so nice to be back here among friends.
With that being said, I need to get something off my chest...
As many of you probably know, I started doing photography full force after I had Wyatt. I love being able to line up a great shot, but most importantly, capturing "happy memories" is a priority in my life.
I've had quite a few jobs lately and I feel like such a fraud. For my business' sake, I can't just be this dark, twisty woman I've become... I have to be the old bubbly me.
People who do photo shoots with me would never guess my heart is so broken. I jump in the air, make funny noises, and make a complete lunatic of myself to get everyone to smile for me. I make jokes, laugh, and carry on the normal shallow conversations with my clients, because that's what is expected by everyone.
But I feel so fake. I feel like I'm lying to the world when I have to become that person. It's not who I am anymore. But at the same time, I want to keep people coming back to the crazy bubbly photographer who did unmentionable things to get good pictures!
I know this is something I'm going to have to work out for myself, but I just feel so much better when I can get these feelings off my chest and onto my blog. I don't feel so fake when I can come on here and tell you how I feel... SO, I feel like a fraud (in real life), but... I'm telling you I feel like a fraud (in real life) so that on here (my blog) I can still feel like a part of my life is real. Where I can be completely honest and know I'll not only be accepted, but understood... Make sense? I confused myself a little...