Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wish List for Bereaved Parents
I wish my child hadn't died, I wish I had him back.
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief, I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, or other remembrances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me, I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
I know you might pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice, however, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
How many times have we heard (or read) that verse? I think I've heard that verse just about as much as my own name! But do we hear it so much, that we just brush it aside and think, "Yeah, yeah. I've heard that a million times already"? Well, maybe there's a reason we hear it so much. That one, short verse is filled with a plethora of truth and wisdom.
talked written in previous posts about how I had learned my lesson on the topics of faith and trust, and how I wished God would stop teaching them to me already...
But have I really learned my lesson?
Of course I trust God. I know he has an "ultimate plan", and that everything he lets happen to us, aides in his grand scheme of things... But how well do I trust God? I wouldn't be completely honest, if I didn't tell you my trust was shaken when he allowed Wyatt to receive such a horrible diagnosis. My trust in him wavered when Joseph came back holding Wyatt and telling me "He was gone". It's hard to trust God with your whole heart, when the plan he has for your life doesn't fall into the realm (anywhere near it, for that matter) of what you had planned.
But I guess that is where faith comes in. Trust and faith fit together like a glove. When our trust is shaken, we have to fall back on our faith in God's plan for our lives.
Hebrews 11:1 says: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
I'm finding that you can't have complete trust in God, without having faith in him too. Now, I'm not even saying complete faith in him... you just have to work with what you've got, pray for God to renew your faith, and remember that we serve a BIG God that can do anything!
After all, Matthew 17:20 says: "...If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." Did you hear that? Faith as small as a mustard seed, can MOVE MOUNTAINS! That really puts my personal faith in perspective...
Although I may not understand what God's doing in my life, or maybe even why he's doing it, I am able to lay back and say, "Lord, I gave my life to you... that includes every aspect of my life. Myself, my husband, our children, our finances, our health, and so on. I trust you know what is best for our life, and how we can best bring you glory... do your will, and I will accept the path you direct us to".
Does this mean it's easy to let go? No.
Does this mean I'll never struggle with my faith or trust in God? I wish.
It's easy to give yourself over to God, but it's a completely different story when you're talking about your husband or your children! My faith, small as it may be, is what allows me to trust God so completely that I can place the lives of my loved ones in his hands. Even when our family is enduring circumstances that are far from desirable, I know God will take care of us....he always has. I guess faith and trust are lessons we will continue to learn the rest of our lives. The lessons may not always be fun, but I guarantee you they will be exactly what God ordered.
Although this blog was started as a way to document our time with Wyatt and to introduce him to the world in hopes of helping others, it's really so much more than that. It's about our journey as we learn (very slowly) how to let God have complete authority over our family. It's about laying down the desires of our hearts, and carrying out the desires of God. It's about letting go, even when it rips our hearts out. Plainly and simply, It's about Letting Go and Letting God.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A sweet little child
at a party one day,
when toys were being given away,
discovered a broken one,
and with a smile, said:
"I'll take it.
You see, I know my Daddy
can fix anything,
and soon it will be
good as new."
And once, perhaps, in heaven one day
when bodies were being given away,
a sweet little child
discovered a broken one,
and with a smile, said"
"I'll take it.
You see, I know my Father
can fix anything,
and someday it will be
good as new."
Now we, in all our deepest grief -
in searching for that sweet relief -
are clinging to that hopeful knowledge, too.