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Thursday, August 20, 2009

Bereaved Parents Wish List (UPDATED)

I just found this and I'm not quite sure who to give the credit to for writing it. However,it is simply too good not to post. I found it here. ((Update)) Thank you to 4LJY for helping me find who to give credit to for this great wish list! I posted the copyright at the bottom of my post :)

Wish List for Bereaved Parents

I wish my child hadn't died, I wish I had him back.

I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief, I thank you for both.

I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, or other remembrances from your home.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me, I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

I know you might pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process.

I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.

I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice, however, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain.

....BUT…I pray daily that you will NEVER understand.

Copyright © 2008 - 2009 Compassionate Friends

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8 comments:

Mary said...

I may have to copy this.

4LJY said...

I found this on a copy of the same wish list.

Copyright © 2008 - 2009 Compassionate Friends.

Holly said...

Wow that is really good! Thank so much for posting and sharing it with the rest of us!!

My Very Own Angel said...

This is so spot on. Thank you for posting this

Lisa (Jasper's Mommy) said...

WOW! Perfectly said.

The 5 of Us. said...

I have a copy of this in my dresser! I have loved it and it's so true! Thanks for reminding me!

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Ruby Taylor said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. I’ve just stumbled across your blog and came to this entry because my site is about grief. I love that you are exploring brokenness and faith in this site. We all need this authenticity.