Thursday, August 13, 2009
Kelly, of The Beauty of Sufficient Grace Ministries, has created Walking With You. It's a place where we go to talk about different topics each week that have affected how we grieve the loss of our children. I am new to this, as this will be my first post with them, but I just couldn't let this topic pass me by...
This week's topic is the things that people say. As there are already so many wonderful posts on the no-no's people say to us either during the pregnancies where we were carrying our sweet babies to term, or after our baby has passed, I would like to focus on something different... The things people DON'T say.
Yes, I heard more than my fair share of insensitive or hurtful comments, but I could get over those. After Wyatt's diagnosis, People started treating me like I wasn't even pregnant anymore! It still bothers me because I feel like I was cheated out of the pregnancy I deserved with Wyatt. Shouldn't my pregnancy with my son be MORE special since it was all I would get with him? I thought so, but apparently, most people didn't.
It hurt down to my soul when people would ignore my son, or the fact that I was even carrying him inside of me.
It hurt to have people "write him off" before he was even gone.
It hurt when people didn't ask if I was feeling Wyatt kick.
It hurt when people didn't ask to touch my belly so they could feel my son move.
It hurt that people avoided asking me how our doctor appointments went.
It hurt when I was asked to help move a heavy object,... so heavy in fact, that a pregnant woman had no business moving it.
It hurts that I never received a gift for Wyatt during my pregnancy. It would have been such a nice gesture... Something as simple as a blanket or a hat to use after he was born. But instead, people didn't see the point. OUCH!
It hurts that I got "sorry for your loss" cards instead of "It's a Boy!" cards.
It hurt when people would visit me in the hospital after Wyatt was born, and not even come over to look at him.
It hurt when people avoided looking at him during his viewing or funeral.
And it STILL HURTS to think that people avoided my son... my pregnancy... the only time any of us would EVER get with him... while he was STILL HERE.
Yes, words can hurt. They can hurt us very deeply,... but I find the words left unsaid, and the actions left undone are what hurt more than anything.