I've been wanting to get Wyatt's birth certificate for a while now, but it's taken me a while to get the courage up to call about it. I wasn't sure if they would tell me I couldn't get one because Wyatt only lived for two minutes,... but I hoped.
After calling my insurance company today and politely asking them how they could overlook my son dying three months ago, I decided it was time to check this off of my "To Do" list as well. I was connected to a very sweet woman, whom we'll just call S. I was scared to hear her answer, but released a huge sigh of relief and happiness when she told me, "it would be no problem", after I sent a certain form into the state. She asked for my information and some of Wyatt's so she could print out the form and mail it to me.
The rest of our conversation took a spiraling nosedive...
"You said he lived for two minutes?" I hear S ask.
"Yes ma'am. 10:03 am to 10:05 am. We didn't think we would get that time with our son, so it was such a blessing for God to give us that tim-".
"Mrs. Finchum, I'm so sorry, but our records list your son as a still birth."
"S, that can't be right. I saw my sons chest rise and fall... The doctor announced that he was alive when she pulled him out of my stomach... My husband was asked to make the heart wrenching decision to give up on trying to save our son... and my husband was holding Wyatt's hand when he took his last breath. He most certaintly was NOT stillborn."
"Mrs. Finchum. I really don't know what to do. I'm so sorry. I will try to figure out a way to get this fixed, but I really don't know if I am going to be able to... And with as busy as we are today, I highly doubt I will be able to get this taken care of today."
If it's not one thing it's another.
I plan on fighting this.
Wyatt had to fight (extremely hard) to stay here for those two minutes. He received numerous injuries from the C-section due to how fragile he was. Although I know he lived those two minutes, I want the world to have to recognize his life here too. Maybe I'm being ambitious when I say the world... but the hospital where Wyatt lived out his entire life, should really have to acknowledge that he lived. Don't you think? I guess I just feel like I've been robbed of the validity of my sons life. I feel like it was ripped away from me in a nine minute phone conversation.
There's no denying, God performed a miracle when Wyatt was born with the breath of life in his body. Where is the justice in a hospital error taking away my documentation of that miracle?
I already feel like the world (except for my household and my bloggy friends) doesn't recognize my son was here. And then I call the hospital and find out they aren't even recognizing his life.
Tomorrow will be three months since Wyatt's passing... just three months.
Just yesterday, And an eternity ago... All at the same time.
God has come through for me every time I've needed him. He's miraculously helped me over implausibly tall mountains and guided me through in-navigable valleys. I have complete faith he will turn this stumbling block into a stepping stone, but it still doesn't take away the sting of the words that fell upon my ears today. However, I am ready for this challenge, because I know I have God on my side.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Romans 8:28-31
I will fight this... I need to fight this. Wyatt fought for me, and he won his fight when I heard my doctor say he was alive... Now, it's my turn to fight for him. I'm going to fight this like his life depends on it. Although he's in heaven, his life does depend on it. Wyatt struggled to be a part of our family here on earth. My family was whole and complete for two minutes. Never again on this side of heaven will it be complete again. I'll never get that time back and I'm not going to sit by and watch somebody try to take it away... The two minutes Wyatt lived will be recognized. He fought too hard to simply be overlooked.
((UPDATE))
I called my doctor's office and talked to a nurse named Tiffany. She looked over Dr. M's operational report and read off what it said. Apparently, my doctor listed Wyatt as stillborn because he scored a Zero on all of his apgar scores. However, she noted he had a faint heartbeat and appeared to be breathing. How can you note a baby has a heartbeat and still classify them as a stillborn? Isn't that contradictory? This makes absolutely no sense to me...
Tiffany was very sweet and helpful. She told me she would talk to Dr. M when she came in on Wednesday, and do everything she possibly could to get this matter taken care of. Please pray this gets resolved swiftly. I don't want this to get ugly, but I will do whatever I have to in order to have my son's life recognized. Just because he's gone, doesn't mean he's not worth the fight.
14 comments:
I would fight it too! I'm behind you all the way.
I'm so sorry that life is still hard. I know how hard it is to keep going when you feel like life should just stop because your son died.
Trisha
I am sorry! Theses doctors have no idea how their actions effect families! The doctor who delivered Wyatt is probably the one who filled out the death certificate. I will call him or her. I hope that Wyatt's life is recognized by the state, for what it is worth as a mom who has also lost a baby I recognize Wyatt and his fighting breaths when he entered this world. He is a fighter and it sounds like he followed in the footsteps of his mommy.
Are you serious!? They put that he was stillborn!? That is NOT right and I would definitely fight for it to be corrected. Why would they do that when they clearly knew he was born alive!? Grrrr....
I'm sorry that you had to have that conversation and even deal with this mess in the first place. It's not right. I hope that you can work this out smoothly and with no roadblocks.
Even though it's just a piece of paper it's proof to the world that he was alive. Both you and Wyatt deserve that.
Oh Danielle, Im so sorry that you even have to fight to get your sons life recognized. The world of lost babies is a sticky one, Im finding out. I'll be praying for you. Oh and by the way, Ive nominated you the Honest Scrap Award, just check out my lastest blog to read about it.
I can not even imagine. Don't they realize that those two mins make a huge difference. No they wont bring your angel back, but it's something that you hold onto. I live and breath around 3 hrs and 45 min for Vayden I would have been so upset had someone actually said well it wasn't a full day so "stillborn" Your angel lived for 2 mins and he deserves a birth cert. please continue to keep us updated
I'm so sorry for what you are having to go through. What state do you live in? Even though my son was stillborn, our state (Georgia) passed a bill last year allowing parents to obtain a birth certificate, recognizing their birth (separate from their death). However, it may be a little different from a birth certificate of a child born alive...I'm not sure. I plan on ordering one for Noah in the next few weeks.
I will begin praying that this is taken care of quickly. Your entire family including Wyatt desearve to have his precious life recognized. I would have given anything for my sweet babies to have even seconds making our fmaily complete. Every breath is from God and should be recognized. Good for you for picking up this fight, even though I am sad you have to.
You fight! It is extremely important that it says he was born alive. Stillborn is still, no heartbeat. I am so sorry that on top of your tragic loss you have to fight for this too. I will pray for your comfort and pray that this will all be taken care of quickly and Wyatt gets to have what he earned, his two minutes on earth.
I am so sorry. It is amazing the things we will do to make something right for our precious angel babies. Keep fighting for whatever you feel is right for your beautiful Wyatt! xx
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with all this. You are in my thoughts. Check out my blog- I nominated you for an Honest scrap award. I hope you get the recognition for your son's life that he deserves.
You should fight! He was alive and it needs to be recognized! I was told that even if a baby lived for few seconds, he is not still born. Wyatt had two magic minutes!! This is so sad that some doctors look at our situations like another case in their careers, not like a part of somebody's life.
I am very, truly sorry that it is not getting better for you. Instead of achieving the piece in your life and emotions, you should fight again..
Hi, Danille...It's Alicia Jordan-Ashton's sister and Scotti's friend. I saw in one of your posts you were looking for site so you could get a piece of jewelry to hold Mr. Wyatt.
A lady I work with gave me two sites (She wears her mom quite often!)
www.cremationjewelyry.com and www.artfromashes.com (my favorite!)
Hope these help. Tell Wyatt hello for me and a big thank you. I am one of the lives he has had an impact on.
I'm so sorry to hear of Wyatt's way-too-early departure to heaven. I will sign your petition, it is outrageous that this precious life even needs to be fought for!
Oh my goodness...my heart hurts for you. You already have to deal with your son's passing and now you have to deal with people that don't even want to recognize his life. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.
Praying that everything will be resolved in your favor and that peace and comfort will abound for you and your family.
By the way, I found your blog when I visited My Heart Speaks by Larie.
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