Tuesday, February 16, 2010
A year ago today, I sat in a little room with a very noisy clock.
I remember how much I hated the sound of that clock just ticking away.
Why didn't those hands on the clock freeze like my world did on this day a year ago? Clock, don't you realize each time you tick I am one second closer to losing my baby? Don't you realize you are ticking my sons life away? STOP!
I could hear voices talking around me.
I could see faces looking at me with sorrowful glances.
I could hear myself crying.
I could feel the hot tears falling from my face... dripping down my neck... staining my shirt and pants.
I remember how everything seemed like it was moving in slow motion.
Everything except that clock.
But of all the noises around me, I will never forget the incessant ticking of that clock.
My mind tried to make the clock pause, even if for just a few seconds. Won't time stand still for me... for my baby... as it did for Joshua in the bible?
The clock kept ticking, and here I am a year later still wishing the clock had paused while I was sitting in that little office and my sweet Wyatt was still alive.
Today has been rough, but not as bad as I had prepared myself for it to be. I guess I've anticipated this day as being such a horrible day, that when it finally got here, I had more of a "Oh, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" attitudes... Even with a less than ideal appointment with my OB today.
Today, Dr. Joy went over some of my blood results and elaborated more on the elevated hormone levels that were detected on my first trimester screening. Apparently, after 24 weeks he wants to start seeing me more regularly because I am at an increased risk of preterm labor, preeclampsia, and having the placenta tear away from my uterus. Seth is also at an increased risk of suffering from growth restriction. Great! Just what I needed to hear today of all days!
However, I am trying to look at this new information in a positive light. Yes, I am at an increased risk for all these things... However, we know to look out for them. Better to be safe than sorry, especially when we're talking about Seth's health. So, with that said, I will be having extra ultrasounds at the hospital to monitor Seth's growth and the health of the placenta. I'm not complaining, that's more pictures and time I get to see Seth before he gets here! Please be in prayer however that none of these conditions develop and we have a boring, uneventful pregnancy.
And last, I wanted to share something I did today to keep busy. I was really missing Wyatt today and wanted to do something involving elephants to make my heart smile... I found a wonderfully cute picture of a baby elephant and added Ansley and Eli to it. I love playing around in photoshop and I was thrilled with the results of my efforts. Okay, it's not perfect by any means, but I still really like it! That's all that matters, right?!
See, doesn't it make your heart smile too?