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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Year Ago...

A year ago today, I sat in a little room with a very noisy clock.

I remember how much I hated the sound of that clock just ticking away.


Why didn't those hands on the clock freeze like my world did on this day a year ago? Clock, don't you realize each time you tick I am one second closer to losing my baby? Don't you realize you are ticking my sons life away? STOP!

But no.


I could hear voices talking around me.

I could see faces looking at me with sorrowful glances.

I could hear myself crying.

I could feel the hot tears falling from my face... dripping down my neck... staining my shirt and pants.

I remember how everything seemed like it was moving in slow motion.

Everything except that clock.


But of all the noises around me, I will never forget the incessant ticking of that clock.

My mind tried to make the clock pause, even if for just a few seconds. Won't time stand still for me... for my baby... as it did for Joshua in the bible?

But no.


The clock kept ticking, and here I am a year later still wishing the clock had paused while I was sitting in that little office and my sweet Wyatt was still alive.

Today has been rough, but not as bad as I had prepared myself for it to be. I guess I've anticipated this day as being such a horrible day, that when it finally got here, I had more of a "Oh, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" attitudes... Even with a less than ideal appointment with my OB today.

Today, Dr. Joy went over some of my blood results and elaborated more on the elevated hormone levels that were detected on my first trimester screening. Apparently, after 24 weeks he wants to start seeing me more regularly because I am at an increased risk of preterm labor, preeclampsia, and having the placenta tear away from my uterus. Seth is also at an increased risk of suffering from growth restriction. Great! Just what I needed to hear today of all days!

However, I am trying to look at this new information in a positive light. Yes, I am at an increased risk for all these things... However, we know to look out for them. Better to be safe than sorry, especially when we're talking about Seth's health. So, with that said, I will be having extra ultrasounds at the hospital to monitor Seth's growth and the health of the placenta. I'm not complaining, that's more pictures and time I get to see Seth before he gets here! Please be in prayer however that none of these conditions develop and we have a boring, uneventful pregnancy.

And last, I wanted to share something I did today to keep busy. I was really missing Wyatt today and wanted to do something involving elephants to make my heart smile... I found a wonderfully cute picture of a baby elephant and added Ansley and Eli to it. I love playing around in photoshop and I was thrilled with the results of my efforts. Okay, it's not perfect by any means, but I still really like it! That's all that matters, right?!

See, doesn't it make your heart smile too?



croleyc69 said...

I love the picture so cute. I got up this morning and was thinking and Praying for you and Baby Seth. I will continue to do so in the days that follow. Sending lots of {{HUGS}}

Nati @ I will praise Him said...

I love how the picture turned out! Great job!

And I'm praying for you and Baby Seth!!! I can't wait to "meet" him this summer via your blog!

House of Collinsworth said...

That picture looks really looks real! Great job! I need a lesson on editing from you! :o) Praying for you and for Seth...and remembering sweet Wyatt.

Megan said...

Aww that picture looks great, both ways!! How cute!! I know this extra information isn't awesome but it's good that you'll get extra ultraounds and appointments. That will help put your mind at ease. Thinking of you lots and lots today!

Just Breathe said...

Keeping you in my prayers. Being safe is a great plan. Love the photo you made, it is adorable.
Take care and God Bless.

Elizabeth said...

I wish I knew the perfect words to make everything better but all I have is my thoughts and prayers. I'm thinking of you. *hugs*

withoutmypunkin said...

Thinking of you and hoping for a boring uneventful pregnancy!!! Love the picture!

Henninger Family said...

I will be praying for a very boring pregnancy!! I love the photoshop pictures :)

Holly said...

I'm glad the day wasn't as bad as you anticipated. That is good! But it can still be a tough day. I'll be praying for a very uneventful pregnancy for you!

I think the pic you made turned out great!

KK said...

You did great, I'm just learning photoshop. Glad today wasn't as bad as you anticipated. Praying for you.