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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Because God is Good Like That!

I had a dream.

A very weird dream.

But one of the most beautiful dreams I think I've ever experienced.

It happened about two months ago and I still remember it vividly.

I was standing in a beautiful field filled with red and yellow wildflowers that continued until they met the horizon. Big Puffy clouds contrasted a deep blue sky filled with millions of stars although it seemed to be in the middle of the afternoon. The stars were so brilliant, I felt as though I could reach up and pluck one from the sky. As I lifted my arms towards the stars, my body started floating towards them. I was surrounded by a pure light that radiated my body, and I just knew I was in the presence of God himself.

I wondered if I might be dying. I was so at peace, this had to be what dying was like. I immediately started looking for Wyatt. I was looking for heaven's gates or a stairway... anything that would lead me to my son. I just knew I was going to meet him.

"It's not time", I hear a voice say.

"But I'm looking for my baby. Please, I need to find my baby", I plead.

"It's not your time", the voice repeats.

I start crying. "Why am I here. I don't understand. Please, father, I know it's you. My heart is so broken, the pieces of it are as sand. I just want to come home to you. My heart will never be what it was".

"You're right my child. Your heart will never be what it was, but it is becoming what I meant for it to be."

"Father, it's too hard. I can't do this"

Suddenly, before my eyes I see a snake. I'm normally terrified of snakes, but there was no fear to be found in my body.

"What do you see my child?"

"A snake."

"What is the snake doing, my child?"

I examine the snake closer and answer, "He's shedding father".

"Why is he shedding, my child?"

"Because he's growing father."

Then my chest opens up and my heart floats out of my chest. It's a perfect heart with no rips, tears, or blemishes.

"Father, this can't be my heart"

"But it is my child, watch."

As I watched the heart, it suddenly cracked into tiny pieces and a bright light oozed out of the cracks.

"How will you fix this my child", I hear the voice ask.

"I can't father. Will you fix it for me?"

"You have to let go of it first my child".

I realized I was clutching my heart trying to keep the cracked pieces from falling away.

"But it will break if I let it go father."

"I know my child. Do you trust me?"

I didn't answer but immediately let go of the heart I was holding so tightly. The light shining through the cracks became so bright I had to shield my eyes. The broken pieces fell away, but underneath it was a bigger more perfect heart.

And then I hear the voice ask, "What do you see in front of you?"

"My heart, Lord."

"Why did it break my child?"

"It had to break father,... so it could grow."

"It's not your time my child, I'm not through with you."

And then I woke up.

What an amazing dream. I woke up and realized God had to break my heart to make me a better, stronger woman in him.

I grabbed the bible off my night stand determined to find a verse on broken vessels being used to God's glory, but I couldn't find anything. I looked for three days and was ready to give up. I put my bible down and prayed for God to direct me to the verse he meant for me to find.

Immediately upon opening my bible I opened it to 2 Corinthians Chapter 12. As I read, I started getting discouraged for not finding what I was looking for. And then it seemed to jump off the page. My heart started racing and I knew I had found the verse God meant for me to have.

2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I have been clinging to this verse ever since.

I'd forgotten about wanting to write this post about my dream until today. My week has been a challenge. Today has been one of my bad days. I actually got so fed up with everything earlier, I stormed out of the house and laid in the middle of my driveway sobbing.

I found myself talking out loud to God. In between sobs I begged God,"Please don't let this emptiness swallow me. I feel so empty. Fill this emptiness in me Lord. I need you. I can't do this anymore. I need you in my life MORE than I've been allowing you to be. So please, I begging you, Fill me with your presence."

Who knows how long I was laying in the driveway... but when I was ready, I picked myself back up and went into the house. I hopped on the computer to blog about my tantrum and came across Celia's post on Birthday Verses. She was kind enough to look up Wyatt's for me and post it on her blog (Love you girl, thanks!), so I decided to look up the rest of my family.

Would you like to guess what mine was?


2 Corinthians 12:9

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Through a woman who is quickly becoming one of my best friends and a post she wrote on Birthday Bible Verses, he let me know he's with me. Celia, God IS using you through your blog to bring comfort to others. He used you to bring me comfort today.

Because God is great like that!



Kelli725 said...

Amazing! Thanks for sharing that.. wow, thats awesome!

The Blue Sparrow said...

That is the coolest thing i've ever read! God really was holding you close today. I wish God would always speak to us this way! His grace really is sufficiant, praises be his name! xxx

Lighthouse Photography said...

Danielle, I dont think you will ever know just how much I needed this post today. What a blessing God gave you in that dream and I just want to thank you for sharing it because God has touched my heart through your words. Today and the few days before have been full of tears for me and I know see that God is begging me to just let go of this. Because He that is in me IS greater that he that is in the world. Just thank you for allowing God to speak through you to another broken mother this evening. I will be looking that verse up so I can study and pray in it myself. Thank you!

Franchesca said...

Danielle, That dream is so amazing! God is so good to bring that back to you on one of your rough days. That dream is like an illustration of what is literally going on in our hearts everyday. I love that you shared it. It made so much sense, especially when God asked if you trusted him and that without realizing you were trying to keep it from breaking by holding on to it tightly. WOW! Thank you so much for sharing again, and peace and love to you.

Caroline said...

What a awesome post & so well written. I have been so touched by your posts & yes God is holding you close. Thanx for sharing that & I just read Celia's post before I came here. It was so neat that she looked up all those names. I'm praying for you & your family. {{HUGS}}

Nati @ I will praise Him said...

Danielle, thank you so much for that post. It's such a blessing and I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. I'm so thankful I found your blog a few weeks ago.

Unknown said...

Danielle, you dream is simply AMAZING and I'm so glad that you shared it. It really speaks to me that God truly wants us to trust Him in times when we are broken. I just love how things seemed to come together with the verse.

Kristy said...


I'm not sure if you've read on my blog about my issues with faith and my beliefs since loosing the boys, but what you wrote is very powerful. Due to my questions about everything, I found myself contracting the answers God was giving you in your dream. I was questioning him back about his answers. I think I know in my heart that I do still believe, i'm just having trouble letting it all come back out. In time I guess...

Thank you for sharing.


Mary said...

This post. This post has really made me cry. To hear your words, was something that I really needed. I often wonder what is to become of me. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing the link too. I may use it.

Celia said...

I read this post the next morning after we talked and was just blown away! Wow!! What a dream. I wish I could have a dream like that where I felt like I was in the presence of God.

And then to have the birth verses coincide with the cool is that?!

I love you girl! That is awesome that God spoke to you that way.

Deborah Ann said...

I sat here and cried as I read your dream. What an incredible gift God gave you with that.

I lost a baby a few years ago, but I was only 5 1/2 months along, I didn't carry Alex full term. Still, when I saw him, I noticed that he was perfectly formed. Only God knows why He takes our little ones early. But like you, I can't wait to meet him in heaven!