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Friday, January 1, 2010

Here's you bags 2009...

I sit here in the quiet early moments of a new year both reflecting on the last year of my family's life and contemplating what this new year has to offer us.

We've had a [insert word] year... How do you even pick a singular word to describe 2009? It's been horrible and wonderful all at the same time. Our family welcomed our sweet baby boy into this world and sent him to his eternal life in a matter of minutes. We've been trying to deal with being thankful he was given to us to be a part of our family for a short time while being heartbroken that we had to give him back.

As thrilled as I would be to turn my back on 2009 and never look back... I can't. It's the year that I became Wyatt's mommy. It will forever be the year, that for two minutes of my life, my family was complete. Yes, this has been the worst year of my life... but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Especially if giving up the heartache and tears meant I'd be giving up ever knowing Wyatt and the love and lessons he brought to our family.

I start a new walk in 2010. I am no longer the naive little Danielle I was a year ago. 2009 made her point very clearly that I needed to open my eyes to what was really going on around me. Quite bluntly, 2009 chewed me up, spit me out, and let me figure out how to put the pieces back together! And I'm still trying to figure that last part out. However, I cautiously start a new journey as I step foot into a new year.

Just around the corner I face the day we found out Wyatt would die. Mother's day without all of my children. Congress goes back into session in less than two weeks! A family Vacation without my whole family. And June... The month my baby lived and breathed in this world and took his last breath.

But, there is hope. A God given hope that I am clinging to with all my might. This June shall not only hold sadness as I celebrate Wyatt's first birthday in heaven... If all goes well, our family will be celebrating the fact that Wyatt has become a big brother! That's right... I'm 14 weeks pregnant with a healthy (surprise) baby. We were preventing pregnancy and God didn't seem to care about that. Baby sort of said "ready or not, here I come..." And we are pretty sure we are expecting another son as of our ultrasound on the 28th.

I have so much I still need to overcome in this new year, but I have hope that 2010 will be much nicer to our family than this last year has been. I know there will be a lot of questions regarding this pregnancy, but all will be answered soon. I've been keeping a "secret blog" to document everything that I will make public for anyone who wants to read within the next couple of days. I know how hard news of a pregnancy can be for fellow angel moms out there. I am so sorry if I have caused anyone any sort of grief over this news. This is not my intention. I consider all of you my friends, and there is no one in the world I'd rather share this news with than you.

I ask for prayers this new year. I have a frightening road ahead of me that I wasn't exactly prepared to take. I hope 2010 will bring our family the healing it so desperately needs.

Happy New Year my dear friends! Your friendship is what made 2009 bearable for me. I love you all.

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16 comments:

Rachel E. said...

Congratulations, Danielle! I am so excited for you and can't wait to read more about your 4th little one.

croleyc69 said...

Congrats Danielle and I'm soooooo happy for you. I'll be saying a extra prayer for you. It's exciting and a scarey time I know. I remember when i found out I was pregnant this past time the fear after 2 miscarriages. Last New's years I started spotting but I prayed and gave it all to God and it worked out.
I pray for you always and just let me know the name you decide on and I will make you another wall hanging.
Take care & all the best in 2010.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline

April said...

2009 was full of welcome and unwelcome surprises, and ups and downs. Congrats on your new little one! Can't wait to read...

Rikki said...

Congratulations. That is wonderful news. I am so so excited for you. I would love to read your other blog and learn all about your new addition to your family. xxx

Sarah said...

ugggghhhh- June- forever tarnished for me too Danielle. Overjoyed that for you- this June gives hope back to that month.

Wonderful, wonderful news!!! Tears of joy and understanding and love for you!

I will be praying for you on this journey toward your next darling child. God be with you- sweet girl xx

Beth said...

Congratulations! I will continue to pray for you and your family. May God bless you and give you peace, hope, and joy in 2010.

Jus and Kat said...

Congrayulations Danielle and Happy New Year! Sending my thoughts and prayers for your new little one. May your pregnancy be a safe and healthy one!

Hugs,
Kat

Ann said...

congrats! I wish you all the best and can't wait to read more. May 2010 bring you peace and joy.

Tiffany said...

Congratulations Danielle! I am so happy for you and I will continue to pray for you. I think this new surprise baby is God's way of getting you through this next year. He knows what is best for us even when we think we know. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I can't wait to read your secret blog about your 4th little one. Many blessings to you this upcoming year.

~Always thinking about you.

Nati @ I will praise Him said...

Congratulations Danielle! That is so wonderful and exciting! Awesome how God works!

Can't wait to read more about Wyatt's baby brother (or sister)

Charlotte Ann said...

CONGRATULATIONS! Its so good to know that the Lord is still a miracle maker and worker. Its such great news that you are expecting. I know that sometimes we go through things that we never expected, but God will never give you or put you through anything that He doesn't think you can handle. He is an on time God and He knows what's best for us all. Bless you and know that we are praying for you and your precious family. Wyatt has sent you a special gift. Would love to read your new blog as well about the special baby that you have been blessed with recently. Thank you again for sharing this joyous news with us!

Elizabeth said...

Congratulations on your future addition. It will be a hard road to travel being excited about new life and grieving at the same time. I have traveled that road and though it has been difficult it has also been very rewarding. God Bless you as you embark into 2010. *hugs*

Franchesca Cox said...

Oh WOW! I am so excited for you!!! Congratulations! When I read that Wyatt was going to be a big brother my eyes about popped out of my head :) I am so happy for you!!

You said it perfectly that there isn't just one way to describe this past year. And I wouldn't take it back either, I'd do it all over again if I had to.

Anyway, I cannot wait to read your new blog for your new baby on the way. I cannot tell you how happy I am for you (and surprised)!! God is SO good!

XO

Franchesca Cox said...

Oh and I thought it was so neat that June is going to bring you some joy in the midst of sorrow. For me too.. this baby will be (hopefully) born in May which is the month that Jenna was born and died. It's bittersweet but maybe God allowed it this way to make those months for us a little more tolerable.

Wendy said...

Congratulations! We'll take this journey together as I'm 8w4d myself. We'll overcome the fear that every ache brings, every question brings, every appointment brings. We'll give God ALL the glory for the great things He has done in the past and will do in our future. Again, congratulations! You're in my prayers.

Holly said...

Yeah, it'd be nice to forget a year that brought so much pain but I know that I can't forget it either as it's brought me a lot of joy too. Well, you certainly surprised me with your exciting news about Wyatt becoming a big brother! Wasn't expecting that at all! I'm happy for you!!