Click below and Google will call you to connect you to my voicemail! Numbers are always private.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Are You Scared of the Fire?

Before having Wyatt die, I didn't question my faith. And, as far as I know, my faith was never under the scrutiny of others.

But now.... Now, everyone seems ready and willing to unload the "you need to have faith" line on me. It's really kind of ironic, because I feel like my faith is even stronger today than it was before God turned my world upside down with our sons diagnosis and death.

No, I don't attend a regular church service like I used to... I'm not ready. Will I go back to church? Of course I will. But will it be this Sunday or the next? I can almost guarantee you it won't be. Does that mean that I lack faith in God? No way! It simply means that I.am.not.ready.yet.

Then there are the brave (and ignorant) people who have implied it was my lack of faith in God that got in the way of Wyatt being healed. Apparently, we gave up on him! We should have never planned for his funeral,but rather we should have prepared a nursery to bring him home to. Easy for them to say! Cause you know, we've all had to make the decision to carry a baby to term that we've been told was going to die.... (Forgive me, I'm not being in the least bit sarcastic)

Ever fiber of my being wanted to buy Wyatt a crib instead of the casket we bought for him. It made me physically ill to know we ordered his casket while he was still bouncing and tumbling around safely inside of me.

I fought with God, I pleaded with him, I shook my fist at the heavens for what I knew God had been preparing me for all along. There was never any question in my mind that God could heal Wyatt if it were his will, but I also knew healing Wyatt wasn't God's plan for my son. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was a mother being called to surrender my child to God before he even had a chance in this world. It's a sickening feeling to be asked for such a sacrifice. I can imagine Abraham's anguish when God called him to sacrifice Isaac. I'm sure his stomach was contorted in pain at the thought just as mine was.

There are even people that believe a past sin Joseph or I committed is what caused Wyatt to die. "The sins of the father (or mother)"... All I have to say to that is PUH-LEASE! I don't believe I serve a God that would place the burdens of some past sin of mine, on my son. HELLO, That's why Jesus died. My sins are what killed Jesus, not Wyatt.

People think faith is going to church, fellowshipping with other christians, and believing that God will never let anything horrible happen to you...

I can admit, I'm guilty of being one of those people just over a year ago.

But then, I found out I was carrying a son that would die...

In faith, I chose to continue a pregnancy that I knew would end in heartbreak. I chose to let God use our family to show the world how great he is.

How can God be so great when he still let my baby die? Because he brought our family through the fire.

Most people trust God to take them right up to the fire but pull them away before they actually get burned. If God lets them get burned they get bitter and turn away from God because he let them feel the pain of being burned.

I've learned that true faith is being willing to walk through the fire knowing you just may get burned. To know that God can protect you from the flames that you are walking through, but that he may also need to let you burn in order to fulfill his plan for your life. It's okay to hope that God spares you the hurt. We all hope he will. But that's not the way life has worked since Eve took the first bite of the forbidden fruit all those years ago. People walk through fires and get burned now... it's how you handle getting burned that will pull you closer to God or send you running away.

Our family went through the flames. We knew we had more of a chance that we'd be burned by the fire than we would to walk through untouched. We chose to walk through the fire with God and trust him to see us through the pain and heartache. And he did.

I chose to be obedient to God's calling and I learned a valuable lesson in faith.

It bothers people that I don't have faith Seth will come home with us. I'm walking through a new fire right now. So far, God's kept us from feeling the flames on our skin... and I hope with all my might that is what he continues to do. Do I believe it's God's will for Seth to come home with our family? Yes. I believe that to the bottom of my heart. But my faith is in God, not an outcome. Happy or heartbreaking, I know God will be with us through any journey or outcome we face. I have complete faith that God will take me exactly where I am meant to end up in life as long as I continue to walk the path he places in front of me... engulfed in flames or not.

Photobucket


14 comments:

House of Collinsworth said...

I was just on etsy.com and was just browsing through some different invitations and randomly came upon this...

http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.128877786.jpg

Is it just a coincidence that this says "Wyatt" and has an elephant on it???

Melody said...

Ok, I seriously think it is ABSURD for anyone to think that your son died because of ANY sin you or your husband committed. Doesn't the bible say that ALL have sinned and ALL sins are equal? So, it makes no sense that your son would die for that and another's wouldn't! I'm so sorry for the inconsiderate things people say! I'm praying and hopeful for Seth for you!

The Blue Sparrow said...

Oh Danielle, I just love this post! Its everything I've ever wanted to say to these people myself but didnt for whatever reason. You said it perfectly! *HUGS*

House of Collinsworth said...

The funny thing is...I didn't search for elephants or anything like that...I didn't even type in "invitations". I searched for "Silhouette boy" and that was on the first page!!! The elephant caught my eye and then when I saw Wyatt's name I was flipping out. I want a silhouette of a boy holding balloons for Noah's 1st birthday invitations since we will be doing a balloon release. I have found a few cute ones.

Franchesca Cox said...

Praying for your rainbow, Danielle. Don't mind those people, they are so lucky they know nothing about this, and they don't even realize it.

xx

Jess said...

What a truly insightful post, Danielle! You really do have a true faith, trusting God to carry you through the fire take a lot more than just believing that if He's really God, or if you just have enough faith, He will spare you from it. Of course we would all like to be spared the burns, but we do live in this fallen world, and so we carry scars that will not be healed until heaven. I'm so sorry others are saying/insinuating such hurtful things about your faith, and reasons for Wyatt's death. You are a great example, and glorify God by your faithful walk through life each and every day!

KK said...

I don't want to walk through the fire, but when He leads me there, I know there is a reason and I always come out refined on the other side.

Kristin said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I am not sure who is questioning your faith but I can say that I have grown in my faith just hearing about your walk with God...so THANK YOU for being who you are, the way you are!

Blessings to you today!
Kristin

Nati @ I will praise Him said...

Wow what a powerful post!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

While I don't fully understand what your family went through, I do understand how those comments hurt. I've had them said to me when I went through 8 years of infertility and a miscarriage. God was punishing me for something otherwise He would have given me children. It's cruel what people can say. I also understand about not being ready. You will know when the time is right.

MRS. HAIRSTON said...

I am proud of you Danielle for standing up and "backing" up your faith! You are a great role model for people! It is YOUR relationship with God, no one else's : ) Thanks for being brave!

Holly said...

How completely ridiculous that people think any of those things. They have no clue b/c if they did, they would know better.

Going to church doesn't mean you have faith in God or whatnot. You can worship God from home just the same. Sure, church is good, especially for fellowship with other Christians but going to church doesn't seal your fate into Heaven.

Rachel said...

I agree with Melody. Shame on those people for even saying that! It's not anyone's place to judge your faith. Let alone say you are the reason he died. Just shows how little their faith is!!! God Bless you, Danielle for you strong faith. You are an amazing woman of God. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

brigette said...

you are a very strong person. Isnt it amazing people are so quick to judge and tell us how we should be acting in a certain situation and how we should mourn and get over it. I agree all in your time. God knows your intentions and that you are with him you dont need to always sit in a church for god to know that you believe. Thinking of you often! Hugs