Monday, September 6, 2010
Okay, so I have been L-A-Z-Y lately as far as blogging. Honestly, any spare time I have is being divided amongst the children. Ansley with school. Eli with "homeschooling". Seth with cuddling. And I'm still trying to muddle though my grief. Having Seth has been wonderful for my heart, but it has also brought on a whole new element to my grief that I had not accounted for.
Some of the new areas I'm dealing with in my grief are guilt. I kiss Seth and feel guilty because I can't do that to Wyatt. So I kiss Seth twice and think quietly to Wyatt "that kiss was for your my angel". Or when I play with Seth's long arms or legs I get teary because I remember thinking when they told us that Wyatt had some type of dwarfism (before we knew it was lethal) that I didn't care if he were born with arms and legs that were barely there, I couldn't wait to kiss them.
Then, the other aspect I am trying to figure out is how to come to terms with the fact that I will never have my complete family together this side of heaven. Before we had Seth, I could say that my entire family was complete for the two minutes that Seth lived and was here. But now, Seth is here and I want to weep every time I sit down and look at my three children. It breaks my heart in a whole new way that Seth is here and there is this gap between my children that shouldn't be there. Can I just have two more minutes to snuggle all four of my babies and maybe snap a quick picture? sigh...
Well, all that is actually off topic of the reason I actually wanted to write a new post. My original reason was to introduce an idea I am going to introduce in an attempt to make myself blog at least once a week.
I've always been intrigued by the Project 365. I've even tried doing it a few times but I don't think I've made it past two weeks before I forgot to take a picture for the day. So, I am doing my own version of it Called Project 52. I'll do a photo collage as a recap of our week with the photos highlighting the special or funny things that happen in that week. I think I can handle once a week better than having to remember a daily picture. I don't know about you, but life just gets too busy for me. So here is Week One of my Project 52.
By the way, thanks for putting up with the little pity party I threw for myself at the beginning of this post. I know I am incredibly lucky to have Seth here (as well as Ansley and Eli)... I just can't believe this is my life sometimes. My life would be so close to perfect if Wyatt were here too. I just miss him.