NOTE: (If you click on the above image it will enlarge so you can read the captions if you want)
Okay, so I have been L-A-Z-Y lately as far as blogging. Honestly, any spare time I have is being divided amongst the children. Ansley with school. Eli with "homeschooling". Seth with cuddling. And I'm still trying to muddle though my grief. Having Seth has been wonderful for my heart, but it has also brought on a whole new element to my grief that I had not accounted for.
Some of the new areas I'm dealing with in my grief are guilt. I kiss Seth and feel guilty because I can't do that to Wyatt. So I kiss Seth twice and think quietly to Wyatt "that kiss was for your my angel". Or when I play with Seth's long arms or legs I get teary because I remember thinking when they told us that Wyatt had some type of dwarfism (before we knew it was lethal) that I didn't care if he were born with arms and legs that were barely there, I couldn't wait to kiss them.
Then, the other aspect I am trying to figure out is how to come to terms with the fact that I will never have my complete family together this side of heaven. Before we had Seth, I could say that my entire family was complete for the two minutes that Seth lived and was here. But now, Seth is here and I want to weep every time I sit down and look at my three children. It breaks my heart in a whole new way that Seth is here and there is this gap between my children that shouldn't be there. Can I just have two more minutes to snuggle all four of my babies and maybe snap a quick picture? sigh...
Well, all that is actually off topic of the reason I actually wanted to write a new post. My original reason was to introduce an idea I am going to introduce in an attempt to make myself blog at least once a week.
I've always been intrigued by the Project 365. I've even tried doing it a few times but I don't think I've made it past two weeks before I forgot to take a picture for the day. So, I am doing my own version of it Called Project 52. I'll do a photo collage as a recap of our week with the photos highlighting the special or funny things that happen in that week. I think I can handle once a week better than having to remember a daily picture. I don't know about you, but life just gets too busy for me. So here is Week One of my Project 52.
By the way, thanks for putting up with the little pity party I threw for myself at the beginning of this post. I know I am incredibly lucky to have Seth here (as well as Ansley and Eli)... I just can't believe this is my life sometimes. My life would be so close to perfect if Wyatt were here too. I just miss him.
5 comments:
I love your idea of doing the project 52 instead of the project 365 because like you I can not blog everyday and I can not get a picture everyday as planned!
God Bless you and I pray for you strength every day that you are missing your son. Love you!
Sounds like a great project. Better then the 365 day ones.
((HUGS)) It's okay to have a pitty party, your entitled.
I have wanted to do the project as well. I just don't feel like I have an interesting life. I was going to do one of my pregnancy too. I may start that one. I also saw one where you can do the alphabet. Just not sure.
Grief can be consuming and I can see how it can still affect you. But, you are an amazing mother and you will learn how to get through each moment.
I love your photo idea - the kids are just precious! I understand how you feel about Wyatt. I have guilt feelings about not holding Meredith and getting to tell her goodbye. I wish I had thrown a fit and insisted the doctor bring her to me. But,I didn't and I can't change that. I know Seth has brought much happiness, and Wyatt will always be here in spirit.BTW, I love Wyatt's teapot! xoxoxoxo
I love your idea of Project 52. I have a lot of different feelings since we had our rainbow & some days are tough but I think knowing one day we will be all together again sometimes gets me through it. I just wish it was tomorrow.
Thinking and praying for you often. I love the picture !!
{{HUGS}}
Caroline
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