I Hate This

I can't sleep.

I feel physically ill to my stomach as I watch time seemingly speed up and slow down all at once.

The closer this sweet family gets to meeting their daughter, the more I am thrown back into the those early, raw days where the only thing that reminded me that I was still alive was this suffocating feeling of helpless desperation that comes from a completely broken heart and soul.

I never had to deal with knowing the exact time I would meet Wyatt. I couldn't imagine how hard it would have been to know days ahead of time that I had mere hours left with my son. My body was simply thrown into labor on its own and I vividly remember screaming out to God as it happened that I wasn't ready. How in the world can anyone be ready to barely meet their baby before having to say goodbye to them for a lifetime?

To quote Kim in the email she sent, she states, "It's weird... I feel a sense of calm right now, but I'm sure that's just the calm before the storm." Well, I pray God keeps his hands on this family and grants them the peace that surpasses all understanding as they head towards the hardest day of their lives.

I know today will be a rough day all around. I hate knowing what this family is in store for if Leah is indeed called to her eternal home. I hate feeling this desperate helplessness creep over me again! I want to kick and scream and berate God for asking another family to go through what ours did. But that won't help...

So instead I'll pray...

I pray God continues to grant peace to Kim and her family. I pray with all my heart this family will get to keep Leah here. And I pray that if she can't stay, that her family will get some beautiful time with Leah before she peacefully passes from her parents arms to Gods.

I also can't sit on my hands and do nothing, so I'm going to ask you guys to do something for Kim and her family...

For any of you that have a child in heaven, you know what it means to see your baby's name in the world. Will you please, over the next couple of days snap a picture of Leah's name and send them to Kim? I don't know if she is comfortable giving out her email address, so if you'd be so kind to send them to my email address, I would be happy to forward them along with your message. My email address is mommy2aews@gmail.com. Thank you in advance for doing this!

Also, if anyone wishes to send cards or flowers to her at the hospital (Her full name is Kimberly Dunn), the hospital information where she will be delivering follows below:

Bayfront Baby Place (Bayfront Medical Center | 701 6th St. S. | Saint Petersburg, FL 33701