Give Me Joy

When the alarm went off this morning I did not want to move. Partially because every muscle in my body is sceaming at me for starting to exercise again yesterday, but that's a different story altogether. I just wanted to roll back over and hide. Unfortunately, I don't quite have enough talent to ignore a blaring alarm clock (which I had already reset 4 times...), so it was rise and shine to grumpy ol' me. As I got the kids ready to head out the door to take little Miss Ansley to school, I started thinking of what the day ahead of me would hold. I have housework that desperately needs to be done along with a list of honey-do's I have been procrastinating to do for the last week or so. Sounds like a day of fun, huh?

After Ansley was safely dropped off at school... and after Eli's tried to steal Ms. Oldham's breakfast... and Ansley's... and the poor little boy's who was sitting next to Ansley..., I decided the chores could wait an extra couple of hours. I wanted some "mommy" time with Eli. I wasn't ready to come back home to this quiet house, and besides, the weather was perfect this morning (It would have been wrong to waste it by staying inside)... so off to the park we went.

And for those of you who are wondering, I had already given Eli his breakfast (two waffles) at home, but apparently he wanted more. He takes eating very seriously!

Okay, where were we? That's right, taking Eli to the park...

I've never been to the park with just Eli before. It's a shame we don't take the kids up there more often. Eli had a blast, and, if we're being completely honest here, so did I! He never stayed in one place for more than a couple of seconds and he ran away from me laughing because he thought it was comical to make me chase him to get his pictures. Yes, I was trailing him with my camera in hand! What else would I be doing? Eli would hide from me (don't worry, I could see him the entire time) and laugh hysterically when he "scared" mommy by R-O-A-R-ing at me or screaming "BOOO", as he leapt from behind his hiding place.

In the midst of playing with Eli, It occurred to me that I was actually genuinely laughing. The smile on my face wasn't the mask I put on day to day... It was real. My laugh wasn't the one I usually have to force out... It was a pure joy that just spilled out of me. I wasn't sure if I would ever find my joy again. My heart has felt like it was too broken to ever be able to feel anything but hurt. I may laugh again tomorrow and I might not. It might be weeks or even months before I have another "genuine" moment, but I have hope. I feel like God gave me that moment to show me that I am capable of feeling happiness and joy even in the midst of a broken heart. Thank you Lord. Besides, how can your heart not overflow when you have this smiling back at you?...