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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Yesterday was not Mother's day... 

I went to bed last night anticipating this great day that I would spend with my family. I anticipated a day where the joy of having all three of my children to share today with, would far surpass any amount of sadness I might feel in knowing this would be the only mother's day I would get with everyone together. I just knew as I laid my head on my pillow, that when I opened my eyes this morning I would have the best mother's day of my life. One that I would remember and cherish above all other's for the rest of my life...

WRONG. It is a complete understatement to say today caught me off guard. It would be more accurate to say I feel like I have been hit by a tsunami. I'm still looking for a fastforward button. One that will just get me through today without having to live it. The only thought I have been able to hear today, is this stupid little echo in the back of my head. "This is the LAST ONE. This is your FIRST and LAST Mother's Day with all three of your children together..." 

I woke up this morning with a good mind set. Really, I did. I have been trying SO HARD to focus on the fact that I have two healthy children, a baby boy that is fighting ferociously to stay with us, and a husband who loves me dearly... All of whom I love to pieces! I know I am so blessed to have such a loving family. I know a person can choose to be happy despite unhappy circumstances. So what's the matter with me? Why can't I just enjoy today? Despite my best efforts I am a puffy eyed, weeping mess. Joseph is trying so hard to be understanding. If you know anything about Joseph, you know he does NOT deal well with crazy, emotional, or irrational people... And the poor guy is dealing with all three today! 

Today has been one of the hardest days for me since we found out about Wyatt's condition. I don't know what to do to help me. Joseph doesn't know what to do. I know it will get better. I know God is there to carry me, to carry our family through this. We need prayer. We need some hope. Our hearts are hurting more than we can handle right now.