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Monday, November 22, 2010

Making Way for the Next Generations

Let me just warn you ahead of time that this post could possibly be offensive to some people. However, I have some things I need to get off of my chest. So, in advance, I apologize if this offends anyone, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Do any of you get the look when you talk about your baby that died? You know which look I'm referring to don't you... the look that makes you think, "What? Is my hair on fire?"

I hate that everyone acts so uncomfortable when I talk about Wyatt. I either get a squirmy silence, while the person I am talking to starts turning blue from lack of oxygen because apparently either A.) They are afraid baby cooties (you know, the kind that will make one of their babies or loved ones die) will rub off on them. Or B.) The topic of my son and the fact that he ever existed reeks so much that they would rather pass out from oxygen deficiency.

Then, I get the people that go into a trance until I am finished mentioning my sons name. They seriously look like they are daydreaming about being anywhere and talking about anything else as long as it doesn't have anything to do with my baby. When I finally finish, it never fails, they come right out of their trance and change the subject to something stupid. "So how about this weather?". "Did you hear about what happened with so and so?". "Well, I guess I better get going".

And don't you just L-O-V-E the people that you know see you and purposely pretend they didn't? They will catch a glimpse of you and literally turn their backs to you and go the opposite direction. Because, Lord forbid I might actually say the name WYATT.

I've talked about this to one of my family members (who has been great through all this) and her explanation was "Well sweetie, they are probably just scared they are going to make you uncomfortable, or worse, that they might make you cry. You know, they are probably uncomfortable too. Death makes people uneasy..."

INSERT SCREAM.

NOW PULLING ALL THE HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SON! I WOULDN'T BRING HIM UP IF I DIDN'T!!!!!

Does it really not register with these people that they are making me uncomfortable? Do they not realize that when I do cry most of the time anymore, it's not because I've talked about my son... It's because they acted like he never existed...

It's because they treat me like an outcast for loving my son...

It's because they can't understand that I'm still proud of Wyatt and I want to share him with the world like I do my other children...

So what If I bring him up and I've already told you the same story about his life ten million other times. I got cheated out of a lifetime with him here on earth. He lived for two minutes, he died, and I had his body to hold and snuggle for three days. When his earthly body was no more, that's where the stories of my time with him stopped too.

So forgive me if I tell you ten times how sweet his little feet were... How they were exactly 1 3/4 inches long and 3/4 of an inch wide...

Forgive me if I tell you fifty times how much I enjoyed the warmth of his body against my cheek...

Forgive me if I tell you a million times what a miracle it was to see his chest breath in the same air I was breathing...

Forgive me if I show you his picture a zillion times... It's my way of reminding myself that Wyatt wasn't a bittersweet dream, but that he was really here and he was really mine however briefly that may have been.

This post isn't really directed to any one person, but it's a blanket letter to everyone who has treated me, my family, my Wyatt, with any less respect than we deserve. I won't stop talking about Wyatt. Never, ever, ever. I'm a proud mom to ALL FOUR of my children. Maybe if all of in the baby loss community keep talking about our babies, twenty years from now the next generation will accept it as an ordinary part of their lives.

Think about this. Twenty years ago, were same sex relationships, interracial relationships, or having a baby out of wedlock acceptable? NO WAY! But people kept standing up for what they believed in and here we are twenty years later and our generation looks at these situations as no big deal. We were raised around that.

Maybe talking about our babies that died will be just as acceptable in our childrens generation. Maybe I'll have to endure being uncomfortable now, but I hope for the day when women can freely talk about their baby that has passed without feeling like an outcast. We loved our baby just like an other mother. We birthed our baby just like any mother. Unfortunately it didn't stop there. We had to bury our baby too. That is all that separates us from the other mothers.

Thank God death has no power over love.

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Making

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Guess what Ansley can do?

She can spell and write her name all by herself!


She also wrote this "I love you" on her daddy's birthday card with a little help from Mommy with the spelling!


Speaking of Joseph's birthday... Look what the kids baked up for their daddy in their handy dandy easy bake oven!


Yummy!
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October 15th

I REALLY didn't forget about October 15th. Again, this blasted wacky internet! Oh well. At least it's working for the time being.

The kids and I lit a candle for Wyatt as well as all the other babies that have gone on to heaven too soon.


We also did a balloon release right before 7:00. And may I add that it was a BEAUTIFUL day here in Eastern Tennessee!






I also tried to squeeze in a little photo shoot of the kids but NONE of them were cooperating. Not even Wyatt's elephant! Oh well. I tried!






Happy Belated October 15th to everyone.

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Photo Pendants from Heather :)

Heather Mohr was kind enough to create these gorgeous photo pendants for Ansley and I. Heather creates these pendants in loving memory of her sweet daughter Madelyn and she does beautiful work. You can really see the heart she puts into each pendant she makes. We both love our pendants and wear Wyatt close to our hearts each day. Thank you so much Heather. Below is a video of me surprising Ansley with her necklace. Her face is priceless! She had no idea what she was getting!


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The many faces of Seth

Here's some yumminess to sweeten up your day!


















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Day Trip

Horray! I am finally able to sit down in front of a my computer and tether my phone to the internet long enough to get pictures to upload!!! Yay for tiny miracles :)

I have so much I want to post and catch up but I'm not sure how long my phone will keep signal so I will have to be brief.

Over the weekend I got to visit with Celia and Gabriel. I WAS SO NICE! We met about halfway (although poor Celia ended up driving a bit further than I had to).


We really didn't do much of anything, but it was nice to switch babies and cuddle them for a while. Speaking of the boys... aren't they adorable together?


We of course didn't forget to bring Noah's Tiger and Wyatt's elephant along for the trip. (We really didn't take the stuffed animals shopping with us. I just thought it made a cute photo opt as we were getting ready yo head back home.)


Once again, it was SO NICE spending the day with my dear friend and her deliciously chunky little monkey! I LOVE his ROLLS! I mean look at him! And how cute is it that the boys look like they were trying to hold hands?!


The trip was way too fast, but I had to drive through the snow and needed to make sure I had daylight to make it home through the mountains. I think Gabriels face in the following picture sums up the sentiments of how we felt about heading home... LOL!



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Monday, November 1, 2010

Still here

Hello! I know it's been forever, but we gave up our internet at the house because hughesnet was costing us $80 a month for internet that was barely faster than dial up. We got tired of paying that much for service that left so much to be desired. So, I'm still here. We're all doing okay. And I miss you guys. I try to get on and tether my phone as often as possible, but our reception at home is questionable so I never know when or how long I will actually manage to stay online. Please know that even though I may seem absent on my blog, I am still reading and praying for you all.

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