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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Look What I Made!

I know the popular term to use for our babies in heaven is to refer to them as our "angel babies". I've said before that I do not personally believe Wyatt is an angel in heaven. I've referred to him endearingly as my angel, but do I believe he is in heaven with a shiny halo over his head as he flies around with a spunky pair of white wings? No. Not at all. I think he is simply my baby and he just happens to be in heaven being looked over by God, his angels, and family members who have gone on to their eternal home.

With that being said, I couldn't find the perfect onesie for Seth to wear after he was born that would include Wyatt as an older sibling. I searched high and low for something that said "My Big Brother" and found nothing that seemed right for me... for our family...

So, I took matters into my own hands and designed my own image in Photoshop that I mirrored so it could serve as an iron on transfer. After two failed attempts to master the art of actually getting my image on the onesie, I finally got it right! I love it, and think it will be the perfect first outfit to put Seth in when he is born. What do you think?

If you can't read it well in the picture, it says "My big brother sends all of his love from heaven". And I think on the day little man makes his entrance into the world and officially into our family, Wyatt really will be sending his love. I often wonder if Wyatt had anything to do with God blessing us with Seth so quickly after his death because he saw how sad we were that he was gone. I guess we'll never know this side of heaven, but it's nice to think that's the case at any rate.

And for those of you who like the onesie and are carrying a rainbow baby of your own or have had your rainbow baby already and would like to get a copy of the image so you can do your own iron on transfer, don't fret. I plan on posting the original image already mirrored on here so all you have to do is print it out on transfer paper and Iron it onto whatever surface you want. I'm working on a big sister design as well, and as soon as I have both done I'll post the images for you to grab!

In the meantime, I hope God keeps you well.


Friday, May 21, 2010

34 Weeks and Some Fun Pictures

I can't believe I'm already this far along! I look up what a babies chance of survival is each week and I was thrilled to see that babies born after 34 weeks have a 95% chance of survival with medical intervention to assist their breathing. I feel like I can kind of breath now...kind of.

I realized I haven't posted a picture in a while, so I am going to get over myself and my dislike for being the one in front of the camera and post. Please forgive my naked face, I've become very lazy and don't really to put much effort in myself at the moment. Getting out of my pajamas is a cause for celebration these days!

And I've had some of you ask me about stretch marks and my belly button being in or out so I figured this front view would answer better than I can...

No, that's not a road map on my belly... it's stretch marks! Apparently I have lousy genetics. Cocoa butter and vitamin E oil used religiously during my first two pregnancies did absolutely nothing for me, so I just gave up and accepted my stomach as it is. The stretch marks really used to bother me if we're being honest here, but losing Wyatt really put that in perspective for me. It's proof my kids were here and that I was blessed to carry them. And yes, I've been an outie for a while now. I usually pop at about five and a half months.

Oh, and before I forget, if you have not yet entered our game to guess Seth's birth info, just click here to enter your guesses. It's so much fun to see what everyone thinks and I will be awarding a prize in honor of Seth's birth to the person who gets the closest! We have some really good guesses so far :)

On a different note, I had my weekly OB appointment today and Seth was doing great. My doctor sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound just to be cautious because of my spill last week (the machines are better over there than the ones at his office). I appreciate Dr. Joy so much for being overly cautious when it comes to all things baby. I've been so blessed to have him as my OB.

Seth was doing wonderful and he kept attacking the wand everywhere the US tech placed it. We got some really neat pictures too. The last one is my favorite because it looks like he is facing us and posing for a photograph!

And to end on a fun note. Do you remember me saying a few posts ago (you know, the one where I mentioned breaking my knee) how I was going stir crazy and was thinking about going to the store just to get out for a while? Well, I also mentioned how Joseph and I laughed at the idea of me being on the loose in Wal-Mart on a scooter and how nobody would be safe because of my lack of driving skills and general clumsiness.

Well, I'll have you know I did go to Wal-Mart...

I did not run into anyone...

Or anything...

And it wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it would be although I still felt silly.

And, this is the best part, I even remembered to have Joseph snap a shot of me on my scooter so I could share with you all! So without further adieu, I think this will be the perfect way to end this post. Until next time...


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Very Belated Thank You's

In keeping with the pattern of my life, I am very behind on thanking some very sweet women for gifts they have sent my way. I just took my time getting pictures of everything and I apologize it's taken me so long to get around to it. I am so thankful and touched my your generosity.

First of all, I received this handmade ornament from Jessalyn.

I absolutely love the picture of Jesus holding the baby above his head. When I think about Wyatt, that is one of the images I get in my head and it makes me smile to think that if I'm not able to do that with Wyatt, that there is no other "person" I would rather do it with him than Jesus.

I then received this plaque for Jennifer over at The Blue Sparrow as a gift for Seth. There are two tags left blank so that I can put Seth's birth stats after he is born. Jennifer picked up on the fact that I was having difficulty enjoying my pregnancy because of fear and she sent me this to make me feel better. What a sweet gesture! I took this picture 10 weeks ago (I told you I was really behind) when I was 24 weeks pregnant right before I hug it up on the wall in our office (which will be Seth's room).

I also got a package in the mail from Rachel, all the way from Hawaii! Inside, I found this adorable outfit for Seth. It has elephants on it as a way to honor Wyatt as a big brother and I think the outfit will be so handsome on little man when he gets here and grows big enough to wear it.

She even sent books and bracelets for the kids which they loved! Ansley asked if it was Christmas!

And then, to make a hard first Mother's Day without one of my children here a little easier, Sarita, who I am delighted has a blog now, sent me some stickers for the kids along with a beautiful tag with Wyatt's initials and an elephant on it. I don't know if she realized this, but Seth was even included by the addition of the lion!

Thank you so much ladies for the sweet and thoughtful gifts!

There has also been quite a few people who have sent pictures of Wyatt's name for his name gallery. I would like to say a special thank you to each of you! If you haven't seen Wyatt's name gallery just follow this link to see the creative pictures people have sent to me.


Tying Up Loose Ends

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I am really starting to "nest". I started going through this intense feeling that I needed everything in order by the time I reached my 33 week and 2 day mark (the day I had Wyatt in my last pregnancy). I guess I half way expected my pregnancy to end one way or another one that particular day for some reason... Can I just say I'm so glad it didn't!

I had nothing done that needs to be done before Seth makes his grand entrance into the world. I've been really bad about letting my fear of leaving the hospital empty handed paralyze me from doing anything except worry. I'm guilty of thinking about what we would do in the event of another tragic ending instead of what we'll do with the happy beginning I so hope we have instead. I've given it to God, and I hope... but I still realize I have no control over what is going to happen and it scares me. I'm scared because I can't know with 100% certainty that God has the same outcome planned for Seth as I hope he does. I feel like God and I are on the same page this time around, but I wish I could just fast forward and KNOW!

Anyways, I'm getting really off topic from what this post was originally supposed to be about...

I've had Seth's blanket, which I wrote about here earlier, close to being finished for a while, but I've been procrastinating to actually finish up the last couple of rows. You know, letting the fear thing do it's havoc on my mental well being and overall state of mind.

Well, not anymore. It's finally done!

And how awesome is it that we were given this adorable diaper bag that just so happens to have the exact same colors as I used in Seth's blanket? Pretty neat and not all a coincidence if you ask me!

And I didn't stop with finishing Seth's blanket...

I also packed a bag for Ansley to take to my mother and father in laws house with her clothes labeled and separated by fabric softener sheets so they will smell good if they have to sit in her bag for a while.

And I packed Eli's bag the same way...

And Seth's bag for the hospital complete with his lion and finished blanket...

I've even got my bag (sorry, I forgot to take a picture), complete with a change of clothes for Joseph, mostly packed minus the toiletry items and our electronic stuff (video camera, camera, phones, chargers, etc...).

But it doesn't stop there... I even got Eli's old car seat (the only baby thing we kept besides our double stroller) cleaned up and ready to be installed in our expedition. Of course we won't install until after Seth gets here, but it makes me feel better to know it is ready.

I still have lots to do, but I feel like I can breathe easier knowing I'm not completely unprepared. This was a huge step for me!


Update from Last Week

Things have been pretty trying here this last week to say the least. Before I scare any of you, Seth is absolutely fine! With that said, I'll just jump into what has been going on.

My appointment last Thursday (May 13th) I was put on medication to stop contractions because I am having them roughly every 4 minutes. Before you freak out, let me just say that I have done this with each of my normal healthy pregnancies and I've made it to term (at least 37 weeks) before my babies have made their appearance.

The problem with the medications they use to stop the contractions is less than ideal however. As you know, I've been having some minor heart issues that have been causing me to pass out. Not so big of a deal except that my blood pressure bottoms out on me and my resting heart rate is really high. So how does this effect me while I'm on the medication for my contractions?

The two options I have for stopping contractions is by taking a shot of terbutaline (which makes my heart beat so fast they worry I'll have a heart attack) or the option we've chosen to go with..., which is putting me on a blood pressure medicine called procardia that can also stop contractions. The problem with this option is that my blood pressure is bottoming out already, on top of being on this medication now, it's making me really dizzy and I've been having more spells where I almost pass out.

My cardiologist showed me a trick at my appointment to keep me from passing out that requires me to cross and bend my knees while leaning forward slightly and compressing my fists into the center of my chest. It helps blood flow return to normal somehow and it's been working like a charm. However, right after I was put on the blood pressure medication to stop my contractions, I had a bit of an accident that resulted in me breaking my knee cap! So of course, with a broken knee cap, I can't bend my knee, put any type of weight on it, and most certainly can't cross my legs!

And for those of you wondering how I managed to break my knee, let's just say it involved spilled ice by one of my sweet children that I thought I had cleaned up. I apparently missed a spot, slipped, and fell with all my weight landing on my left knee! I've been taking tylenol for pain because I don't want to risk hurting Seth by taking something stronger. I'm really thankful (it happened a weeks ago today) that my knee had finally stopped throbbing all the time unless I overdo it. I see the orthopedic doctor again in about two weeks. So far I won't require surgery on my knee (I broke it in just the right spot), I'll just need time to let my knee heal.

So, I'm having dizzy spells (which the anemia and blood pressure medicine doesn't help with), my leg is in a brace, and I'm on crutches at 8 months pregnant! My life is all kinds of fun right now!

I really hope this post doesn't sound like I'm complaining. I'm actually really okay because Seth is doing beautifully through all this. Joseph and I have actually been able to laugh about this! It's really quite funny to see me and my big belly gimping around on crutches. We were both actually about in tears last night when I mentioned that I was going stir crazy and wanted to go to Wal-Mart just to get out of the house and maybe get a few things to pack in my hospital bag. That's not the funny part... there was mention of me in a scooter (scary) as a way of getting around the store instead of my crutches and how I'd have to get a picture to post on here so you all could share in my embarrassment. If any of you know anything about my driving, you'd be rolling on the floor right now too!

The good news? My contractions have stopped and Seth is healthy in spite of my mishaps.

The puzzler? I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to "walk" on Wyatt's birthday for his memory walk... and I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of how to deliver a baby when you can't bend your knee!

And really, there is no bad news. Just a couple of set backs as we get closer to finally meeting little man.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Let's Play a Game! Who Will Win?

I have a few posts I am working on right now to get myself caught back up, but they will most likely wait until tomorrow...

Right now, I am in a really big nesting phase and I don't know what to do with myself! I thought it might be fun to start a game where I take all of your guesses as to what Seth's birthday, weight, length, and time of birth will be and I found a really nifty site that you can go to and enter in your guesses. Best of all, after Seth is born, I can go put in his correct info and it generates a winner which I will be awarding a prize to in honor or Seth's birth. Just go here to put your guess in and enter for your chance to win! I can't wait to see what everyone guesses!


Sunday, May 16, 2010

This Was All I Got

I've been staring at the clock all morning...

I woke up this morning and knew today was that day in my pregnancy.

It is now 10:03 in the morning and I am 33 seeks and 2 days pregnant. This is the day and the exact moment in my pregnancy with Wyatt that I met him for the first time. This is the time in my pregnancy with him that I whispered "hello my sweet baby boy" and "I'll miss you until I reach forever too".

By the time I even finish writing this sentence, Wyatt would have been born, he would have lived his entire life, and he would have died and entered into his eternal home in heaven.

I was allowed to carry Wyatt for 232 days plus a couple of hours and then he was just gone.

Reaching this milestone in my pregnancy with Seth should be reassuring, but I just feel robbed. I'm officially further along with Seth than I ever made it with Wyatt and it's a sickening feeling to think of the extras weeks, days, hours, or even seconds I could have experienced with Wyatt but wasn't able to.

It's strange to think that I've held a baby that was this far along. I can still feel how tiny and sweet Wyatt was in my arms and my arms ache to hold him today. It feels like a cruel joke that I am only 16 days further along with Seth than I was this time last year with Wyatt. Not only do I have this milestone to make it through today, but I have Wyatt's first birthday in 16 short days.

16 days...

And I'll be watching the clock once more as the seconds tick closer and closer to the end of Wyatt's life... again.

I am both heartbroken and thankful today. Heartbroken to think about a son a so dearly missed and thankful for another son that is still safely growing within my stomach. I didn't know it was possible to feel such a range of emotions all at the same time.

Lord, thank you for blessing me with Wyatt for as long as you did. Even though today is a very painful day for me, I realize Wyatt lived every single second he was meant to, and I hope I can find comfort in that today as I reflect upon his life. Thank you for letting me be a mother to Wyatt for the 232 days he was here. Thank you for the love that tiny little miracle brought into my life. The heartache of losing him makes the love we shared that much more special. Give Wyatt a big hug for me today and let him know that his mommy loves him more than words and misses him beyond all measure.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I Need Your Info Please!

I really want to get better about following all the blogs that follow mine. I just never seem to have the time anymore. I at least want to make sure I do something to remember each of your special babies on their heavenly birthdays, so I have a request for this post. In an attempt to get super organized, I am starting a birthday calendar that is especially for remembering each of your babies on their special day. In the comment section, will you please leave the following information:

1.) Your name
2.) Your blog address (if you don't have a blog, please leave your email address or email me the info at
3.) The date your baby went to heaven (including year so I know which heavenly birthday they will be celebrating)
4.) Your babies Name

Please leave this info in the comment section even if you know I already know this... I want to make sure nobody is forgotten. I'm grateful for each and every one of you and I want to honor your child on their special day.

Thanks in advance :)


Monday, May 10, 2010

Happy First Birthday Noah!

I whispered into God's ear for Wyatt to make your day super special today Noah. I know you two must play together, and I hope your birthday was better than I can even imagine.

I sent you some balloons to help with the decorations... and since I couldn't give you a real birthday cake, I sent one as a balloon. I hope you like it.

Noah, you are missed beyond words and loved beyond the hearts capacity. I've spent this last year getting to know you through your mother... and what a blessing it has been! You are a very special little boy and you are so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful family to belong to. But you already knew that, didn't you? I'm sure you smile every time you look down and see how much each of your brothers, your sister, and your mommy and daddy love you and continue to remember you as a dearly missed and incredibly loved part of your family.

Celia, I hope this day was peaceful for you. Can I just say that when I released Noah's balloons they went STRAIGHT UP! That doesn't sound familiar to you at all, does it? He he.

Anyways, here are the pictures I took of Noah's special ballon release. Happy Birthday little man!


Thursday, May 6, 2010

32 Week Appointment

Besides the fact that my appointment took F-o-r-e-v-e-r today, it went really well.

My iron was low last time I went in so I had to be rechecked today.

Oh joy, more needles!

Somehow even though I''m taking my prenatals as well as the extra iron Dr. Joy prescribed me, my iron had dropped even lower! We're trying a different iron supplement fortified with Folic acid. He he. Sorry, I had to laugh when he suggested fortifying my folic acid intake... that man does not even realize the amount of folic acid I'm getting from my nearly insane fascination with orange juice! I can't image what my body would be doing if I didn't drink OJ like I have been. Can I just say I feel no guilt what so ever for the inhuman consumption rate of my beloved orange juice after today's appointment... If anything, I think it may be okay to drink even more :) After all, the doctor did say I needed more folic acid which is what helps to absorb iron...

On a different note, Seth is doing beautifully despite my iron deficiency. He is head down and burrowing his head down into my pelvis, but I could have told you that due to the fact that I I have to hold my belly up when I walk because it feels like he is going to fall out!

We also confirmed (yet again) that Seth is a boy. It hasn't changed yet, so I think it's safe to assume we won't have to worry about being surprised once little man makes his big entrance.

After Dr. Joy did his growth ultrasound he said Seth is measuring great. He might have used the words "extremely healthy" and "robust" a few times... especially after he calculated his weight at being 4 pounds 1 ounce already! I will be 32 weeks tomorrow and Dr. Joy said Seth will gain about a pound a week until the very end of pregnancy. In just 4 more weeks I'm looking at about an 8 pound baby!!! Good Lord, God took my prayers for Seth to be healthy very literally! I may just break nine pounds with Seth if I make it far enough along...

Of course, Dr. Joy said he'd be keeping a very close eye on Seth's size when we are closer to delivery (which should be easy now that I'm on weekly visits). Having a VBAC with a baby over 8 pounds puts you at a higher risk for a uterine rupture and we want to make sure we do what is safest to get little man here.

Also, much to my delight, Dr. Joy pointed out hair on top of Seth's head! Here's the ultrasound picture that's supposed to show it, but now that I'm back home I can't see it! You could see it very clearly on the actual machine though. Do you see it in the picture? If you can, your doing better than me!

And just to end on a really great note, here's a picture of Seth looking right at us! I am so excited to meet little man and hold him in my arms. I'm just so anxious for him to be here and SAFE.